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Building your self-esteem in a changing world


Author(s): Scott Douglas Jacobsen

Publication (Outlet/Website): Medium (Personal)

Publication Date (yyyy/mm/dd): 2018/10/26

Everyone needs a pep talk once in a while or reason to get out of the bed.

If you want to build self-esteem, you will need to work within yourself. You should try to also work in community. The better ways to build self-esteem or to behave in ways that are deserving of them and are self-respectful.

Self-esteem comes from doing things and thinking in ways, and so feeling in ways, that are most representative of your better self. Do you want to work to limit yourself, or expand yourself? Fundamental presuppositions around self-esteem are helpful. Because the development of the self comes from behaviours and thoughts.

With thoughts and behaviour as the foundation for a proper self-esteem, the basis comes from within you. It starts with taking responsibility for your own actions and thinking. It has to do with what is sometimes termed the internal locus of control.

If someone can develop in themselves a sense of control over what they can and cannot do, and if they can develop this within a framework of self-knowledge, they can begin on the process of self-discovery, and so greater self-esteem.

Proper self-esteem comes from accomplishment not simply from thinking abstract thoughts. You have to be bold in an acting things in your own life. This is especially true for you younger men out there. If you’re driving a car, and if someone else has the steering wheel, you are living a life on the coast mode of the car.

You are not driving your life. You are being driven. No one wants that but so few of us realize that. To simply have positive thoughts about yourself and to not take into account real successes and honest failures, you are, and to be blunt here, living in outer space.

You need to get down to the dirt and live your life and have a plan for it. That basis of a plan and working towards especially a long-term plan provide a basis for a better life. As you begin to accomplish that, you will naturally develop a certain self-efficacy and self-esteem.

It is an important part of keeping in touch with the real world while achieving things and so feeling a real sense of accomplishment and not simply an unwarranted sense of achievement. This is all part and parcel of proper and healthy self-esteem.

You earn things. You feel better. One really effective way to feel better and achieve things is to do it in community. It could be a little church. If you go to a mosque, synagogue, or a Sikh or Buddhist temple, it could be any of those things. It could be a soccer club.

It could be a yoga studio. All of these provide basis for community. All based on a common activity, at a minimum. When you work within that community and achieve something, whether being more flexible in a yoga position or donating time and finances to the food bank through the place of worship external community, you accomplish something for others and yourself with others.

It is really that simple to feel self-efficacy and to develop that healthy sense of contribution to the community and self-esteem about being worth something.

LicenseIn-Sight Publishing by Scott Douglas Jacobsen is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. Based on a work at

Copyright© Scott Douglas Jacobsen and In-Sight Publishing 2012-Present. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Scott Douglas Jacobsen and In-Sight Publishing with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. All interviewees and authors co-copyright their material and may disseminate for their independent purposes.

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