Reading Romantic Body Language with Sofie Roos: Misconceptions, Neurodiversity, and Intimacy
Author(s): Scott Douglas Jacobsen
Publication (Outlet/Website): A Further Inquiry
Publication Date (yyyy/mm/dd): 2025/09/29
Sofie Roos is a licensed sexologist and relationship therapist with over 18 years of experience. Based in Stockholm, she specializes in sexual health, intimacy, and couples therapy. She works at Venhälsan and writes for Passionerad, offering expert guidance on sex, relationships, STDs, and sex toys to diverse audiences. Roos explains how romantic body language reflects emotional connection. From mirroring gestures and eye contact to subtle physical touches, partners reveal closeness or distance nonverbally. These cues evolve over time and differ culturally. Roos writes for Sweden’s Passionerad: https://passionerad.se/.
Scott Douglas Jacobsen: What are the most common ways couples misread each other’s body language?
Sofie Roos: One of the common ones is that crossed arms, for example during a conversation, means that the partner isn’t interested, is rejecting or angry, while it many times means that one is tired, is freezing, or is simply comfortable sitting or standing like that!
Another classic misconception is that a partner who avoids eye contact would mean that they’re showing lack of interest, or are lying about something, while it many times can be a natural effect of being tired, or happen if you talk about something that feels sensitive and / or makes one nervous or uncomfortable.
Some people also have an easier time to concentrate if not looking their partner in the eyes, so it can be a sign that they are really focused!
Couples must also remember that their partner’s body language often means different things in different situations, and that you must read the whole context as well as try to learn how your partner uses their body while feeling different things – something you do over time!
And if being unsure on what your partner actually means or feels, then rather ask one time too much than guessing to avoid misunderstandings!
Jacobsen: How do you help them distinguish genuine signals from wishful thinking?
Roos: Trying to read body language is about reading between the lines, and trying to see the whole context and situation.
Many times in a relationship, we see the body language for what we want it to be, which can make us feel disappointed when expectations on for example sex doesn’t get fulfilled, because their kiss was just a way for them to get some physical closeness without the intention of it leading to something more!
Generally, when the body language, words and tone of voice says the same thing, then you can be sure that’s what they mean, and not just wishful thinking.
Also try to learn your partner’s patterns. For example, do they often do a few specific things with their body language when wanting sex that you can look out for? Because I’m sure that they kiss you many more times than just when being in the mood, so just looking for that isn’t good enough!
In addition, I often recommend couples to complement the body language with words, especially during the phase where you get to learn how your partner uses their body language, so ask in a humoristic, sneaky or flirty way if you want to confirm something before assuming they mean what you think they do!
Jacobsen: How do neurodiversity and sensory sensitivities shape nonverbal intimacy
Roos: For a person with autism, ADHD, or any other form of neurodivergence, body language often works differently.
For example, holding eye contact can feel overwhelming, hugs and other forms of non-sexual intimacy can feel unpleasant, and many other types of physical body language can lead to stress.
This doesn’t mean that neurodivergent persons aren’t having any body language in their romantic life – it means that it looks different for many!
Many couples where one or both are being neurodivergent develop their own ways of body language to express feelings in a way that feels comfortable, and it might not look like the typical example, but still tend to work very well, and in these cases, hand movements and sharing physical routines where you don’t necessarily touch each other often becomes a big part!
Also, what a neurodiversity couple might “lack” in physical body language, they catch up on mutual respect and communication, where they often are “stronger” and many times have come further compared to other couples!
Jacobsen: In trauma-informed care, how can partners rebuild safe touch and proximity?
Roos: When it comes to trauma, especially related to the body and boundaries, even small types of gestures, such as a tap on the shoulder, can feel threatful or unpleasant.
Within trauma-informed care, a couple gets the right keys to re-build this intimacy and thrust step by step, where it often begins without any type of physical contact at all – instead with looks or syncing breathing, to then move forward to asking before doing something physical.
“Is it okay that I touch you here now?”, and from there, a couple gradually rebuild the thrust for it to feel safe, leading to implementing more physical body language becoming natural!
This builds on respect and showing that you want to ensure that your partner feels comfortable and safe, something that you need to practise everyday, so asking “Is it okay if I hold your hand when you are in the car?” and then getting a “No”, and respecting it, is a big part of the re-building process!
Jacobsen: For long-distance couples, what “digital body language” practices support emotional closeness?
Roos: One of the trickiest parts of being in long distance is that all the everyday intimacy, of which a big part is the body language, challenges, and you need to find ways of doing this on distance to work as a couple!
The body language goes from being partly physical, to only being about reading your partner’s body language from a distance, which you for example can do by having a video call when doing an everyday thing, such as cooking, doing the laundry or working.
These types of calls, where you might not even talk so much, but just are in each other’s presence, lead the body language to still take a big role in how you read your partner!
Other types of body language also become more important, such as tone of voice, rhythm when speaking and taking pauses when talking on the phone, the looks you give when video chatting, and even how you use emojis when texting!
Some couples in long distance even use jewelry, such as bracelets, or connect their smart watches, to be able to see each other’s heart rate, which becomes an extension of the bodily everyday intimacy!
Jacobsen: How can partners respectfully negotiate differing norms around public affection and personal space?
Roos: What types of body language that feels natural when being in public differs from person to person, and it’s not uncommon that one partner in a couple wants more than the other one, especially if you have different cultural backgrounds, and this needs to be communicated.
Talk about what feels comfortable for you in different situations. What might not feel okay in the grocery store might feel natural when being in a bar, or what does not feel comfortable when taking a walk might feel okay when being on the beach etc.
It’s important to remember that the one not feeling comfortable is the one with the last say, and by not pushing them, you can make them feel more comfortable with more physical body language in public over time.
For example, if a partner isn’t comfortable holding hands in public, don’t try to force them into it, but instead start by inviting them to just hold a finger when it’s dark outside or when being in a remote spot without any people, and then let it grow from there!
Jacobsen: When jealousy or insecurity enter, which nonverbal de-escalation cues (posture, breath, gaze) are effective?
Roos: Body language actually works as a perfect de-escalater when needing to cool down something between you, especially when someone feels jealousy or insecurity thanks to body language being very affirmative.
To for example start breathing deeply and slowly often gets your partner to do the same, and that can not only make your intense feelings cool off, but also lead to an emotional intimacy that makes you get reunited easier!
If your partner feels jealous on you or just overall insecure, then trying to look at them in a warm and loving way that’s not staring or confrontational, or sitting near them and inviting them to hold hands or hug, are also ways that can make the situation cool down, and opens up to solving things instead of arguing!
Jacobsen: From a clinical stance, what body-language markers indicate deeper trust over months?
Roos: You can see that you’ve gotten a deeper relationship in the small body language.
You start to get a more relaxed posture in each other’s presence, you can hold eye contact for longer in a way that feels natural rather than unpleasant, and small physical contact comes more natural, such as a hug from behind, a quick kiss or a hand on the thigh. You don’t ask verbally, but “with your body”!
Another sign is that you start to sync and mirror each other’s body language, from movements and the tempo you’re having, such as how you walk, to even your breathing when laying close on the sofa.
You also start to understand each other’s looks more and overall get your partner’s feelings before they’ve even spoken about how they’re doing!
Jacobsen: Thank you for the opportunity and your time, Sofie.
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