1452: Charlie Sheen
Author(s): Scott Douglas Jacobsen
Publication (Outlet/Website): Medium (Personal)
Publication Date (yyyy/mm/dd): 2025/09/20
2006
“Taking over four commercial airliners and hitting 75 percent of their targets — that feels like a conspiracy theory.”
2011
“You can’t process me with a normal brain.”
“I am on a drug, it’s called Charlie Sheen… If you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”
“I was banging seven-gram rocks and finishing them, because that’s how I roll. I have one speed. I have one gear: go.”
“I’m not bipolar — I’m bi-winning. I win here and I win there. Now what?”
“I got tiger blood, man.”
“I’m an F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordnance to the ground.”
“We’re high priests, Vatican assassin warlocks. Boom. Print that.”
“I’m tired of pretending like I’m not bitchin’ — a total frickin’ rock star from Mars.”
“I tried marriage. I’m 0 for 3 with the marriage thing… I’m not going 0 for 4. I’m not wearing a golden sombrero.”
“Dying’s for fools.”
“Can’t is the cancer of happen.”
“I blinked and I cured my brain.”
“Borrow my brain for five seconds and just be like, ‘Dude, can’t handle it, unplug this.’”
“I expose people to magic.”
“Here’s your first pee test; next one goes in your mouth — no, you won’t get high.”
2015
“I’m here to admit I am, in fact, HIV-positive.”
“It’s a hard three letters to absorb.”
2016
“There was a stretch where I didn’t drink for 11 years. No cocaine, no booze for 11 years.”
2017
“I was not just coming up with stuff about 9/11. I was parroting those a lot smarter and a lot more experienced than myself.”
2021
“There were 55 different ways for me to handle that situation, and I chose number 56.”
“I’m so glad that I traded early retirement for a f — ing hashtag.”
2023
“Next month I’ll be six years sober.”
2025
“I still get what I call the ‘shame shivers.’”
“It felt like the biggest betrayal you could possibly endure.”
“Drinking just… it softened the edges. It gave me just freedom of speech.”
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