1298: The ‘Alcoholic’ Wife
Author(s): Scott Douglas Jacobsen
Publication (Outlet/Website): Medium (Personal)
Publication Date (yyyy/mm/dd): 2025/06/26
I used to work at a restaurant of an old friend.
He married an ‘alcoholic’ who had gone through AA.
She used to verbally abuse him every single work day — long-time sober too.
I heard them in the upper part of the business, while I worked in the downstairs for about a month.
I promised myself.
If she ever turned that to me, then I would leave the job.
She did,
so I did.
Another ‘alcoholic’ many years later described her as a “wonderful person.”
It was then that the evidence matched the experience of alcoholics for me:
AA generally doesn’t work — when it does, by accident or other factors — and works on a philosophy of disempowerment and coercive structure to belief in a higher power, previously the Christian God.
When it doesn’t, or secular therapy works, they have a lie that they tell themselves in community: “They were never real alcoholics.”
They socially gaslight themselves and one another — great.
‘Alcoholism’ became an excuse of an elder’s abuse of a junior, in community and on the job.
That’s an important lesson. This was in Fort Langley.
I had a lot of experiences like this in an Evangelical Christian town. Rather than apologize, these seniors and adults of community would socially abuse, and reputationally attempt to dismantle my work.
So, not being established, lacking connections, not having social or professional protections, what do you do in those circumstances?
You take the lesson and move on. “Meek and mild” communities are rarely so. Community as institution will be the first item protected rather than questioning and independent youth.
Ask any individual woman or former young boy sexually abused by clergy in a church, the institution is protected first and the victim is slandered.
Does this make sense? Your life becomes forever different.
Often, clarity comes writ in blood.
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Dear friend Scott, sometimes walking away is the strongest act of self-respect, and your courage to choose peace over pain truly speaks.
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Hi Dinesh,
I appreciate taking the time to read the materials and the empathy. You’re right; I agree.
Scott
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