Conversation with Anthony Sepulveda (Brown) on Depression, Love, Recovery, and Lessons: Member, World Genius Directory (9)

Author(s): Scott Douglas Jacobsen

Publication (Outlet/Website): In-Sight: Independent Interview-Based Journal

Publication Date (yyyy/mm/dd): 2021/03/01

Abstract

Anthony Sepulveda (Brown) is a Member of the World Genius Directory. He discusses: the fallout; the process of recovery; religion for support; professional therapy for support; personal, independent methodologies for helping; the religious community; professional therapy; forms of religious comfort; depression; the diagnosis; people’s sympathy; the mental health; and a higher sensitivity to the events in life.

Keywords: Anthony Sepulveda, depression, love, recovery.

Conversation with Anthony Sepulveda (Brown) on Depression, Love, Recovery, and Lessons: Member, World Genius Directory (9)

*Please see the footnotes, bibliography, and citation style listing after the interview.*

Scott Douglas Jacobsen: Since the affair with Tango, what was the fallout?

Anthony Sepulveda (Brown)[1],[2]*:  I became emotionally unstable and unable to focus on anything else. As a result I was suspended and, nearly, fired from my present job. I also spent most of my money on alcohol in a futile attempt to forget about my problem for a few hours.

Jacobsen: How have you developed a sense of healthy self once more?

Sepulveda (Brown): Yes. With a great deal of effort, I managed to get myself back into a healthy state of mind.

Jacobsen: What is the process of recovery?

Sepulveda (Brown): For me, I cannot turn to religion or professional therapy. No one really listened when I did so in the past, often responding with some general cliches that are only effective for those incapable of independent thought. Instead, I dedicated my time towards trying to solve (or at least resolve) the problem. For weeks I couldn’t focus on anything other than her decision to throw me away. I needed it to make sense. And I knew that no matter how painful the truth was, it was the only move I could make. Otherwise I couldn’t move on. And despite how irrational it seemed and how painful it was to think about, I knew it was the quickest way to get through it. So I spent every day recalling every detail of every encounter and conversation we’d had since she’d got back into contact with me, certain that there were enough details there for me to understand why everything went so wrong. Eventually, I found a few incontrovertible truths that clarified everything enough for me to accept.

Jacobsen: Why didn’t you turn to religion for support with this?

Sepulveda (Brown): As I mentioned before in part 1, I consider religion to be a comforting delusion for those unwilling to actually work through their problems and I’ll never turn to it for any amount of solace. Instead, I’ll take the harder route of accepting the truth as it is, no matter how I feel about it.

Jacobsen: Why no professional therapy for support with this?

Sepulveda (Brown): I underwent several years of therapy after my parents’ divorce at the behest of my mother and, personally, found it to be a waste of time and money. While a therapist can be quite useful for many people, I believe that it’s ultimately up to the individual to be willing and able to solve their own problems.

Jacobsen: What were some of the personal, independent methodologies for helping with this situation?

Sepulveda (Brown): There is one universal truth I keep in mind when I work on a problem – this has to make sense. No matter how complicated or confusing a subject can be or how we feel about the answer, every situation has a perfectly logical consistency. So, as I mentioned above, I focused on finding the details I needed to understand my situation. And I found them.

For example, I’d profess my love to her as often as I could. But said that she was unwilling to reciprocate such things verbally while she was married. I accepted that condition quickly and didn’t think much of it until I needed to. And when I recalled those occasions, I focused on her facial expressions. She’d smile, but it was a tight, reserved one and she’d look downwards. Now this matches her generally introverted personality. But it indicates that she’s uncomfortable about something she enjoys. She felt guilty. Not just because she was having an affair, but also, likely, because she didn’t feel as strongly for me as I did for her.

Luckily for me, human nature is fairly universal. So it wasn’t hard to work out why she made her choice.

There are only three reasons why people avoid each other – fear, annoyance and disgust. Given how close we were, it was obviously the former that was pulling her away. She was scared that there wasn’t any way to avoid some unacceptable consequence with me in the equation. With this in mind, I reviewed our last few conversations and concluded that she did, in fact, still have strong feelings for me, that she didn’t think she would be able to suppress them to the point where we could maintain a casual friendship and that if she acted upon her feelings she could lose everything else she cared for.

It should be known that even this little step of progress took me weeks to reach. During which point I was also trying to determine how much I wanted to keep living. Without love in it, everything seemed pointless. And my history of personal relationships has been absolutely terrible. So, if I couldn’t make it work with Tango, the one person who knew me best, then for what reason could I expect to find anyone who’d care about me? There were many occasions where I’d reflect on everything I’ve accomplished (from being a published artist in several different media, to my high IQ scores, to co-hosting a presentation alongside the head of the Pacific Neuropsychiatric Institute without even having a college degree) and thinking that no matter what I did or how hard I worked or how I felt, no one was ever going to care. Because they don’t have to. There’s no incentive for them.

But then, unexpectedly, I got enough of a distraction from my problems to rest my mind. It was then that I was able to objectively consider what would happen if I gave up on my life. I can’t know for certain, but, as I’ve mentioned before, the most probable outcome seems to be reincarnation. And I have no way of determining what the end result of that process would be, so is my life really so bad that it’d be worth rolling the dice?

No, it wouldn’t be.

While my life isn’t always fun or easy, I can honestly say that I like who I am as a person. More importantly, I respect myself. And not everyone can say that. And it’s not worth the risk of being reincarnated as one of those people.

I’ve proven time and time again that I’m a decent, reliable, dynamic person. And I’ve accomplished more than the average thousand people put together with casual effort.

Since then I’ve decided that since I’m going to keep living, I’m going to live the best life I can. I’ve been making plans for my future. And I’m very excited to see it through.

Jacobsen: When others enter such a situation, for example, with religion, the religious community may condemn these states of affair(s). How is this not helpful?

Sepulveda (Brown): Religious people are often too biased and closed-minded to actually consider the context of the situation enough to offer a fair judgement.

For context, Tango found herself in a marriage that was both emotionally and physically unsatisfying. She’d call me crying at least once a week because her husband would yell at her for irrational reasons (often in front of their infant child) and left her so hurt and stressed that most will never really understand why she put so much effort into maintaining their marriage. Yet surely, anyone could why she’d pursue things to enjoy outside it.

Jacobsen: Others may enter professional therapy. However, the therapist may be outdated in training or given Christian therapy certifications. How are these not helpful?

Sepulveda (Brown): In every way. By habitually relying on outdated or illogical methodologies, you limit your ability to actually solve or resolve any existing problem. In reality, you often have to be willing to compromise and work with the problem on it’s own terms to find a solution.

Jacobsen: What forms of religious comfort or professional therapy may help people?

Sepulveda (Brown): It’s seems to me that religious people simply let go of their problems by accepting them as part of God’s plan. While I must admit that this can help people in many situations, I feel that such beliefs are too irrational and lazy to be taken seriously.

Jacobsen: Did you suffer depression after the affair?

Sepulveda (Brown): More so than ever before. She was the most important person in my life. And I became so focused on losing her that I could barely feel physical sensations. I accidentally shut my finger in a door during that period. And all I did was stare at it, unsurprised that I wasn’t capable of feeling the pain.

Jacobsen: Was the diagnosis formal or informal?

Sepulveda (Brown): Informal, but very obvious.

Jacobsen: Were people sympathetic?

Sepulveda (Brown): A few were. But not enough to do anything about it. Which I’ll argue is the key difference between caring and simply saying you do.

Others stopped associating with me altogether.

But there are several people I’d like to thank –

Derek, for being the only person at work to ask me how I was doing.

Heidi, for giving me your number and time.

Jodi, for listening when others only heard.

Elaine, you’re a saint for putting up with me.

Julia, for spending time with me when you didn’t have to.

My mother, for always being there for me.

Jess, I’d be in prison now if it weren’t for you.

Harry, for keeping me going, constantly engaging with me and giving me a reason to smile again.

And Tango, for giving me some of my most treasured memories. I’ll never forget you.

Jacobsen: What seems like the source of the disregard of the mental health of men, by women and men, in our societies?

Sepulveda (Brown): It’s now my belief that people are inherently selfish. So unless alleviating the suffering of another person can also give you some personal satisfaction or you benefit from associating with someone emotionally or physically, there’s no real incentive for you to extend any effort towards that end. Men often feel the most neglected due to their natural position in the gender dynamic; where people tend to feel safer around women because they are often physically stronger and/or are so much more attracted to them that they feel comfortable enough to express themselves honestly. As a result, men are often neglected, even amongst each other. Which is why they comprise about 90% of successful suicide attempts. Few people have the confidence or decency to really listen to what they have to say. All to often, we only receive consideration based on what we can provide (Financially, socially, personally, etc.) because that’s the role we’re ‘supposed’ to fill.

Jacobsen: Highly intelligent people can be emotionally sensitive too – without proper calibration. Something like a hot house tomato. What is an important lesson for those emotionally in tune with themselves, and others, and having a higher sensitivity to the events in life?

Sepulveda (Brown): I’d advise anyone willing to actually focus on a problem to keep in mind that no matter how illogical or ridiculous it seems, it makes perfect sense. All you’re missing are a few pertinent details and some context. Once you have those, everything becomes much easier to accept and/or work towards resolving.

And no matter what the answer is or how you feel about it, life goes on. You should too, when you’re ready.

Appendix I: Footnotes

[1] Member, World Genius Directory.

[2] Individual Publication Date: March 1, 2021: http://www.in-sightjournal.com/sepulveda-9; Full Issue Publication Date: May 1, 2021: https://in-sightjournal.com/insight-issues/.

*High range testing (HRT) should be taken with honest skepticism grounded in the limited empirical development of the field at present, even in spite of honest and sincere efforts. If a higher general intelligence score, then the greater the variability in, and margin of error in, the general intelligence scores because of the greater rarity in the population.

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