How Emma Hathorn Navigates Modern Dating: Age Gaps, Cultural Sensitivity, and Intentional Love

Author(s): Scott Douglas Jacobsen

Publication (Outlet/Website): A Further Inquiry

Publication Date (yyyy/mm/dd): 2025/07/24

Emma Hathorn is a Dating Expert at Seeking.com, specializing in online dating, luxury relationships, and modern dating trends. She offers insights on age-gap dynamics, dating safety, and emotional connection. Frequently featured in major media outlets, she helps singles navigate relationships with clarity, confidence, and elevated standards. She discusses modern dating, exploring cultural sensitivity, emotional intent, and shifting social expectations. Hathorn shares a Zora Neale Hurston quote to illustrate love’s adaptability, emphasizing self-awareness, mutual respect, and meaningful connection over superficial judgments, despite changing norms around age, gender roles, and long-term commitment.

Scott Douglas Jacobsen: What is your favourite dating quote?

Emma Hathorn: I do have a quote. It’s not specifically about dating—it’s about love in general—but I think it applies.

Jacobsen: Who defines what makes a good date? Is it the person with long-term goals who spends two hours getting ready, or the person who shows up casually? What quote would you say characterizes a good first date for someone genuinely looking for love?

Hathorn: The quote is broader, but here it is: Zora Neale Hurston once wrote, “Love is like the sea. It’s a moving thing, but still and all, it takes its shape from every shore it meets.” It changes with every new shore.

Jacobsen: That’s a poetic and insightful quote.

Hathorn: I love Zora. I think it’s important to approach dating knowing that not every experience will lead to something long-term, but each person brings something valuable. You’re meant to learn something from every connection.

Jacobsen: What about dates where there seems to be nothing to learn?

Hathorn: Don’t go on those. You shouldn’t. You have to know what you’re looking for and what you want. You need to be intentional before even agreeing to meet.

Jacobsen: How do you make the date planning and screening process culturally appropriate? Japan is very different from South Africa, which is different from Canada or Iceland.

Hathorn: That’s so true. You have to be open-minded, make sure there’s mutual respect, and that you can communicate clearly beforehand. Cultural sensitivity starts before the first date—it’s about curiosity and consideration.

Someone has to be able to speak at least some of the language the other person speaks—otherwise, the conversation will be limited. But I think that also comes in the pre-planning. Make sure you have a good rapport over text, have a quick phone call, and see if there’s a spark—something that makes you want to talk to them more.

Culturally, dating across backgrounds can be really challenging, but it’s also incredibly rewarding if you approach it with humility. You’ll never know everything, but you can learn a lot. You’ll likely walk away with more than you brought to the experience.

Jacobsen: Why are some people so risk-averse that they do not even try to go on a date—even if they want to? They see some bad news story or binge a British crime drama and say, “You know what? No.”

Hathorn: Well, fortune favors the bold. People tend to be more successful when they step outside their comfort zone. That said, I have mixed views about staying in one’s comfort zone. I do not think there is much value in being deeply uncomfortable in a dating scenario—unless it’s part of natural growth. Some personalities throw themselves into new situations without fear, and I think that’s admirable.

Jacobsen: Like docu-comedies such as Jackass—they’re built around that idea.

Hathorn: Then you have people who just do not want to leave the house—it happens. Online dating can really help in that case. If someone has anxiety around dating, they can start building rapport online. Share hobbies, have conversations—it makes meeting in person much less intimidating. You also arrive with shared interests and conversation topics—you’re more prepared.

Jacobsen: Often there are sensationalized, Daily Mail-style headlines about dating. It gets attention because dating is something almost everyone does. Everyone has been on a bad date. Most people have had average or good dates. But the media loves overblown stories. I say this as a journalist—there’s often a press motive here.

We see headlines like “Two-thirds of men under 30 aren’t dating,” or something to that effect. The data may be technically accurate, but it’s often framed in a way that fuels panic. Some women date women more frequently now, so that shifts the dating pool. Similarly, men may be dating men. Among younger adults, the gender split in dating is complex.

Could the loosening of age-based screening criteria be part of the story? Are we seeing a change that is being misinterpreted or overhyped in the media just to drive clicks?

Hathorn: Absolutely. That leads to the broader age gap conversation. People today are much more flexible about age than they were in the past—especially women, who are more open to dating older men.

It’s becoming less about the number and more about the individual and the connection. Expanding your criteria—whether that’s age, culture, or anything else—can only help. If you’re genuinely interested in meeting people, welcoming diversity is a really positive mindset to have.

I’ve noticed that people are going on fewer dates, but they’re approaching them more seriously. I think many are tired of frivolity in dating. There’s a lot of disillusionment, especially from swipe culture. People are exhausted—it’s become so shallow and appearance-based. It’s a quick judgment: “No, not for me.”

It’s depressing. The process becomes about instant gratification—getting swiped on gives you a small serotonin hit. But I think more people are now turning away from that and trying to find something meaningful, something beyond feeding the algorithm.

Jacobsen: Is the issue internal, like within the dating rituals or age gap dynamics? Or is it more about the person—something more fundamental than age?

Hathorn: I think there’s definitely social pressure to date within your own age group. That judgment disproportionately falls on women. For example, if a woman dates someone 30 years older, people react harshly without considering the actual connection between the individuals.

We overlook the fact that someone at 25 might have lived in several countries and accumulated a wealth of experience. They may have more in common with an older partner who’s done similar things over a longer timeline.

Jacobsen: Right—like the children of diplomats or ambassadors.

Hathorn: Exactly. They’ve lived all over the world, and when they choose to date someone older, it often makes sense based on shared experiences.

Jacobsen: When it comes to mating, dating, or having children, that’s one realm. But marriage—historically and even today—has often functioned as an economic arrangement. For centuries, and particularly for women, marriage was tied to being considered property. That’s still true in some parts of the world. In earlier periods, property didn’t just mean land or goods—it extended to people. Over time, subjectivity became recognized—eventually tied to voting rights and personal agency.

Fundamentally, marriage has always had an economic and social dimension. It was, and often still is, about structuring social strata. In British society, for instance, marriage has long carried that function. In India, it may be framed more cosmically or karmically, especially under the caste system. But regardless of how it’s expressed—spiritual or secular—the economic base is often still there.

Jacobsen: I think what we are seeing is that as the economic system changes—definitions of “breadwinner” and what qualifies as a job—social structures like marriage and family are evolving too. Our genetics have not changed, but the framework around us has. As the frame changes, the arrangements shift accordingly.

It is different from declaring a crisis, like “the crisis of men” or “the crisis of single women.” That kind of language exaggerates things. How do you see people adapting their perspectives as the very definition of marriage and the family unit shifts along with these economic and social changes?

Hathorn: Yes, absolutely. There is much more equality now. From the context of Seeking, we often talk about hypergamy, which has historical roots in India. Traditionally, it referred to marrying up in social or economic status, often gendered.

What’s interesting today is that gender is being taken out of that model. A hypergamous relationship in a modern sense is about both partners bringing different strengths and supporting each other—emotionally, economically, intellectually.

The shift in social and economic roles—especially between men and women—has created opportunities for people to connect in ways that go far beyond economics. One partner might be the breadwinner while the other contributes emotional stability, creative energy, or household organization.

Jacobsen: Or even seasonally—it could shift over time.

Hathorn: That kind of flexibility is important. One might provide financially while the other offers emotional grounding, curiosity, and new ideas. It becomes a dynamic balance.

This shift allows people to explore healthier, more equitable relationship dynamics. In the past, gender roles were rigid—men worked outside, women stayed at home. Now, we see relationships forming between whole human beings rather than rigid gendered archetypes. That gives me some hope for the future.

Jacobsen: Are people thinking about these dynamics even before a first date? It seems like there’s a lot of weight attached to the experience—almost to the point that it creates anxiety. Do you think people bring this psychological burden into first dates, making it harder to connect authentically in the moment?

Hathorn: I think it’s something people carry with them, but ideally, it should remain in the background—not dominate the date. We are all conscious of our place within the broader social dynamic. Women especially have always been attuned to this, not just in passing but as a constant awareness.

However, there’s also freedom in that awareness. You’re entering a date as a full person—not necessarily looking for someone to financially support you, but for someone who complements you emotionally. That sense of balance and mutual support is key. Still, it depends on the couple. Each dynamic is unique, and what works for one may not work for another.

This isn’t something we should overthink during a date. You need to go in with a free spirit and an open mind—just see who you’re meeting. People are complex.

That said, I do think most people have this kind of background consideration, even if they’re not fully conscious of it: What do I bring to the table? What do I hope my partner brings? It’s healthy to acknowledge that.

It also helps to know yourself well—what you want long term, and even just what you want out of the date itself. Being deeply self-aware usually leads to a better experience.

Jacobsen: How should people negotiate the place, time, and location of a first date?

Hathorn: That should be straightforward—just based on mutual preferences. What do you enjoy doing? Where do you like to go? Everyone has their favorite spots. It’s something worth discussing beforehand: What’s your ideal date? Where do you like to go?

Jacobsen: Let’s try that out.

Hathorn: Exactly! It’s a fun conversation starter. Ask: What would be your dream date? Then work from there. You want to avoid awkward or unpleasant places, and you want to make sure the person you’re inviting is going to have a great time.

Jacobsen: That’s a whole other topic—just bad dates.

Hathorn: Yes, exactly.

Jacobsen: Like something out of a reality TV show.

Hathorn: Right—dragging someone around a shopping mall or to an anime convention on day one.

Jacobsen: Japan might love that.

Hathorn: Personally, I’d love that—but still!

Jacobsen: Do you find there are any cross-cultural “nos”? Things that generally do not go over well on a first date—either in a specific culture or broadly?

Hathorn: I can only speak from personal experience—Japan and South Africa, since I’ve lived in both.

Jacobsen: That’s actually a good range: one largely homogeneous, the other more diverse.

Hathorn: In Japan, for instance, you need to be more polite than you might expect. You cannot be too forward in public—it’s just not done. You really have to be hyper-aware of the cultural context, especially when you’re outside your own culture. Be respectful and polite—“when in Rome,” as they say. Try to take the cues.

It helps to learn a little beforehand. You’re going to miss small cultural cues—that’s inevitable—but it’s better to mess up with genuine intent than not to care at all. Sometimes, those little mistakes can even become a great conversation point: “Oh, you’re not supposed to do that here.”

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