How Childhood Mental Health Needs Are Changing

Author(s): Scott Douglas Jacobsen

Publication (Outlet/Website): The Good Men Project

Publication Date (yyyy/mm/dd): 2025/05/25

Growtherapy: Cultivating Emotional Resilience and Secure Attachment in the Age of AI and Overstimulation

Stacy Thiry, LMHC, is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor based in Florida. Thiry discussed how childhood needs for mental health have evolved, with modern environments posing unique psychological challenges, mainly due to social media and instant access to global information. She emphasized the importance of unstructured play, secure attachment, emotional validation, nutrition, and self-regulation. Thiry highlighted shifts in therapy toward integrating somatic techniques alongside talk therapy. She noted that parents today often shield children from necessary discomfort, impacting resilience. Thiry also warned about AI’s growing role in children’s lives and stressed the need to maintain foundational emotional needs.

Scott Douglas Jacobsen: Today, we are here with Stacy Thiry, LMHC. She is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor based in Florida, with extensive experience supporting adults facing a wide range of challenges, including anxiety, depression, trauma, substance use disorders, personality disorders, ADHD, autism spectrum disorder, and relationship issues. Drawing from cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), motivational interviewing (MI), humanistic therapy, and mindfulness-based approaches, Stacy helps clients identify goals, build coping strategies, and improve communication skills. With a background in communication, she values authentic connection as a foundation for healing. Stacy also offers assessments for emotional support animals (ESAs), ADHD, and autism spectrum disorder. She provides virtual sessions and empowers clients to create meaningful, lasting change through compassion and collaboration. Thank you very much for joining me today.

So, as always, a big overview question: Is the contemporary context different from fifty years ago or a thousand years ago in terms of what a human being needs for mental health in childhood and adolescence?

Stacy Thiry: That is an excellent question. I would say yes. It is not so much survival-based as it used to be—whether fifty years ago or a thousand years ago—yet our nervous systems, especially the sensitive nervous systems of small children, are still wired to detect threats.

Now that we generally have safer homes and environments for children, they will oftentimes still search for threats and may even perceive themselves as the threat, internalizing self-blame. So, psychologically, it is a little more complicated today.

Jacobsen: How do the Internet and social media impact this?

Thiry: That is another excellent question. If you think about fifty or a thousand years ago, humans were not designed to have instant access to information about the world’s problems. We were not designed to experience insecurity, jealousy, or comparison based on distant events or strangers’ lives.

Back then, people were mainly responsible for showing up for their immediate family members and local communities.

Now, consider the constant availability of anxiety-provoking content on the news and social media—the amount of content that is accessible at any moment. That represents a significant difference and impact compared to the past.

Jacobsen: What about the role of unstructured play in emotional and cognitive development? Does it necessarily have to be outdoors, or are some of these devices helpful for development?

Thiry: Yes. Unstructured play is essential. Through unstructured play, children learn how to build resilience—they must understand that making mistakes is safe, healthy, and part of learning. It allows them to continue trying, problem-solving, and growing without feeling restricted in their exploration.

It is also highly beneficial for socialization. Children learn how to negotiate, cooperate, and navigate social dynamics—essential skills for healthy group living. In animal behaviour, for example, rehabilitating a socially struggling dog often involves integrating them into a healthy “pack” to model and reinforce appropriate social behaviour.

Jacobsen: How does secure attachment in early childhood influence long-term mental health? If someone is unfortunate enough to develop a non-secure attachment—not necessarily an insecure one—are there ways to move toward a more secure attachment later in life?

Thiry: Yes. Secure attachment formed early in life provides a strong foundation for emotional regulation, self-esteem, and healthy relationships throughout the lifespan. However, if someone develops an insecure, avoidant, anxious, or disorganized attachment style, it is possible to “earn” a more secure attachment later through corrective relational experiences. This can happen through therapy, healthy adult relationships, or conscious self-work to understand and heal early attachment patterns. 

Alot more research has been published about attachment style, so I am glad you are bringing attention to that topic.

To summarize, as children, we look to our caretakers for our safety, security, and survival. If our caretakers are inconsistent, neglectful, or avoidant about emotional attunement, this can result in an insecure attachment—whether anxious or avoidant.

Then, when we transition into adulthood, the attachment we form with our caretakers is something we carry within ourselves.

Often, what we think of as insecure or anxious attachment in our relationships is how we are attached to ourselves, not just how we attach to our partners. I want to clarify that if I have a more anxious attachment style, I might come across as anxious with a potential partner, but it is because I cannot soothe my anxiety.

It can certainly be rewired. Reworking that kind of conditioning takes quite a bit of effort. You have to be very intentional about breaking the patterns, bringing awareness to those patterns, and bringing them into your body. Some somatic techniques can be particularly useful for addressing insecure attachment styles.

To answer your question directly, yes, insecure attachment can have a significant impact, but it can also be rewired with effort.

Jacobsen: Does it become harder over time?

Thiry: Anytime we reinforce a pattern, changing can become more challenging. It is like paving a highway.

The more times you travel on a particular path or highway, the easier it becomes to follow that same route automatically. So think of it just like that: every time you break a pattern and try something different, it is like trying to forge a new route. You “repave” that neural pathway over time through repetition and consistency.

Jacobsen: What about the role of nutrition and physical activity in helping build mental wellness in kids?

Thiry: Yes. Nutrition is one of the fundamental building blocks for wellness.

What we want to look at is making sure children are eating whole foods.

The more we can minimize processed foods, the better. A study indicated that symptoms of ADHD were reduced by over fifty percent in children who removed processed foods from their diet. That is a pretty significant finding.

So, the more we can focus their diets on protein, healthy fats, and complex carbohydrates, the more this will support their overall well-being.

Jacobsen: I did another interview with Dr. Caroline Fleck, and she talked about validation as an important thing for kids and adults.

So, within the more precise terminology of psychology, what is validation in the clinical setting, and how do you help kids develop some of those skills without necessarily needing constant external validation?

Thiry: Yes. That is another excellent question.

I like to think of validation as something that comes from emotional attunement, similar to how a tuning fork resonates.

When we validate our children and teach them how to validate themselves, we are looking for emotional resonance: recognizing, honoring, and affirming their internal emotional experience.

Thiry: They are at this level emotionally, and they need us to resonate at that level calmly so we can help them co-regulate. The validation comes from being able to name, notice, and validate those emotions—making sure they feel seen and heard.

That helps them develop emotional intelligence and resilience.

That includes allowing space for what are often considered “negative” emotions—like anger, sadness, and fear—without attaching any shame to them.

We want to make sure our children understand that, yes, this is a normal, healthy emotion. I would feel this way, too, if something like this happened to me.

That is a helpful way to validate. Then, the next step is to determine what we need to do to help process this feeling. I love an example from one of the kids I work with: when angry, they say, “I feel like a volcano.”

It is adorable because they are small, but you want to ensure that feelings are processed healthily before that small child grows into an adult who does not know how to manage them.

Jacobsen: What are some wrong things to do as a parent—the biggest no-nos?

Thiry: At the top of the list would be dismissing emotions.

If you are uncomfortable because your child is experiencing something that stirs discomfort in you, and you dismiss it, you are teaching them it is not safe to feel their feelings.

That is where the validation component becomes especially important.

Also, being inconsistent or showing an overreaction can be very unhelpful.

Children can start to perceive that they have to manage their parent’s emotions rather than their own, and they can begin to “parentify” themselves emotionally.

If you feel particularly reactive or uncomfortable, the best thing you can do is take a deep breath, ask for a couple of minutes, and then come back to your child to let them know you are in it together—you will talk about it and figure it out together.

Jacobsen: How can parents identify and distinguish when to use different approach strategies—based on real signs of anxiety and depression versus ordinary stress kids feel?

Thiry: Some approach strategies I recommend include planning open discussion times that are predictable and that your children know they are coming.

Many times, they do not even understand their feelings, or they do not know they are not supposed to feel a certain way consistently.

So once a week, have a structured time to sit down and discuss feelings.

Another approach would be to check in on key areas I typically assess for:

• Appetite
• Nutrition
• Hydration
• Sleep (both level and quality)

If significant fluctuations are reported in any of these four areas, that would be a sign to inquire further—or even consider talking to a doctor.

Jacobsen: How can caregivers foster a healthy sense of identity and self-worth in a world where digital technology is everywhere? That artifice is a fast-paced phenomenon in the world.

But I do not know if that is the case. It seems more like rapid attention shifting than actual speed because ordinary life still happens at the same rate. It is just that we are more and more distracted.

Characteristically, girls are often on Instagram and TikTok, shooting videos and trying to get likes, and boys are usually trying to get ranks in video games. Let us say they detach from those platforms or get some time away from them.

How can you help them develop a sense of self-worth not necessarily connected to these other superficial aspects of the digital world?

Thiry: Yes, that is another great question. You have some excellent questions today, and I appreciate the opportunity to discuss them.

What is happening there is that they are being taken out of the present moment.

Specifically, they are being taken out of their own sensory experiences.

One of the top things I would recommend is teaching them how to care for their physical bodies in a disciplined and consistent way.

Building those habits creates a sense of trust within themselves.

If they can do that consistently enough, create a safe routine or system that gives them a “safe landing space” to take appropriate risks.

For example, I feed myself a nutritious morning breakfast, get a good night’s sleep, and stay hydrated throughout the day.

I can afford to stay up a little later one night to play a pickup game or socialize because I have a strong foundation to return to.

Through consistency and building trust with these nourishing, healthy routines, we start to develop true confidence and self-worth.

Jacobsen: What about those who, by the circumstance of birth or accidents, do not necessarily have the same opportunities?

Or if they do, they have to exert significant extra effort—such as children who have a formally classified learning disability, who are physically disabled in some way, who come from gender or sexual minority backgrounds they are discovering during adolescence, or who grow up in poverty?

Even though living in enriched societies like Canada and the United States is a blessing in many ways, it does not erase the real difficulties these individuals face. Do you need to reframe wellness for a child or adolescent in those contexts? Or do you tailor it, case-by-case, in terms of orienting them toward functioning within society and education systems?

Thiry: Yes. What is essential is that children of all socioeconomic statuses and classes feel seen and heard.

When I heard you ask the question, my first thought was a quote by Carl Jung: that loneliness is not about not having enough people around but about the inability to express the things that seem important to oneself.

So whether a person or a child has access to healthy food, movement, or any of the other things I previously mentioned, it is still vitally important that they feel a sense of belonging within their community—that they feel connected, seen, and heard.

I would add that part of wellness might also include allowing them to find ways to express what is important to them.

That is how all great art and music are made.

Whatever that looks like within their family and communities is what I encourage.

Jacobsen: What about emotional regulation and self-awareness?

You mentioned putting a word to the feeling a child has as part of emotional intelligence development. What about self-awareness? And what about cases where kids need to learn that emotional regulation is an essential tool in most life contexts?

Thiry: Yes.

When working with children, it is always helpful to remind them that their emotions—those intense feelings present in their bodies—must be expressed healthily.

Whether that is through naming them or moving the body, or if it is sadness, through comfort and self-soothing.

Those feelings need to be tended to in a sensory way.

Then, as they age, it is essential to discuss the difference between their intentions and their behaviour’s impact on others.

That speaks directly to self-awareness.

It is not just about what I intended to do but how my behavior impacted the people around me.

One of my close friends said something the other day that I loved:

Especially with young men and boys, anger is often the only emotion society conditions as “acceptable” to express.

But oftentimes, that comes out as violence.

So, teaching them that strong men are dangerous but weak men are violent is crucial.

The impact of anger being expressed violently toward others is unacceptable.

I just wanted to add that point.

Jacobsen: Are there statistically significant gender differences in childhood noteworthy regarding the development of mental wellness and the timing at which verbal, emotional, and social skills come online for boys and girls? Are those relevant and valid questions based on the evidence?

Thiry: Those are valid questions.

However, I do not have enough information to discuss that in detail.

Jacobsen: What is your favorite quote by Jung?

Thiry: Oh, the loneliness quote.

Jacobsen: At what age do you think kids are mature enough to learn practices like pranayama, which is called pranayama in Eastern traditions, or tactical breathing in the Canadian military? Essentially, controlled breathing techniques to induce relaxation and calm. It is relaxation in the body and calm in the mind. Or are different techniques more practicable for them?

Thiry: We call them somatic techniques, and they are some of the most effective tools to use with children because they are already naturally aware of and in tune with their bodies.

They naturally move, stretch, dance, jump, and physically express their feelings.

It is helpful to teach them, as young as possible, how to shake out their arms if they are feeling anxious or take a large breath followed by a shorter one.

Teaching them to control their breathing is very powerful.

Like I do with my adult clients, I also ask them, “Where do you feel this in your body?”

Helping them understand the sensation—like anxiety being felt more in the chest, fear often being felt in the stomach, and anger more in the head—builds a strong mind-body connection and helps them learn how to self-regulate.

They do a lot of this in martial arts, too, which can be very helpful for children: deep breathing, body control, and focus.

Yoga classes can also be an excellent option for developing these skills.

Jacobsen: I remember, before he passed, Philip Zimbardo talking about how for a single mom or a single dad, there can be much stress because they are working, then coming home and caregiving, then going back to work again—without necessarily having enough income to purchase extra support or strong social or family connections to help them.

They can become very isolated. He mentioned that the stress gets passed on to the child in various ways.

Is that still correct based on current evidence? Also, what are some ways that this stress might manifest if so?

Thiry: Yes. There is definitely a connection between parents’ stress levels and how children internalize, interpret, or perceive that stress.

I cannot speak to every specific example without more context, but in general, I have seen some common patterns:

One is that children often develop higher levels of anxiety because they can sense that their parent is overwhelmed or stressed, but they do not understand the full scope of what is causing it.

As I mentioned earlier, children tend to internalize these experiences.

They may try to identify the cause—and if they cannot imagine a world outside of their home environment, they might conclude that the problem must be them.

They may think, “How can I make Mom or Dad feel less anxious, worried, or scared?”

Alternatively, they may go completely internal and develop what we would call more avoidant tendencies—telling themselves, “I will just self-soothe by myself.”

They might think, “My parent is too overwhelmed to help me co-regulate, so I will go be alone,” and distract themselves, escape into solitary activities, or develop coping mechanisms that center around emotional withdrawal.

Jacobsen: Over the course of your career, what have you noticed are things that we once thought were evidence-based practices—or at least were considered evidence-based based on the evidence available at the time—but with new evidence, are no longer seen that way, or are not as strong as previously believed?

In other words, specific claims were toned down over time. How has that then made you change or adapt your practice?

Thiry: In my experience—okay, I heard a quote that applies here:

“You do not learn how to swim by reading a book about swimming.”

Therapy has involved a lot of thinking, talking, identifying, and naming—what you might call “cognitive” work.

I do use a lot of cognitive behavioral work (CBT), but I do so to build self-awareness.

Eventually, though, you have to jump in the pool—you have to get into your body and learn what it feels like to break a pattern, try a different response, and allow your nervous system to have what is called a corrective emotional experience in the body.

Historically, a lot more emphasis had been placed on talk therapy alone.

It is better understood that the best therapeutic outcomes often come from a combination of talk therapy and somatic (body-based) work.

Jacobsen: What do you see as the issue? I will take a step back and twist the old adage, “What’s wrong with the kids today?” into, “What is wrong with the parents today?” Then, we will move on to the kids.

Prototypically, what are parents doing wrong in this cohort? We use terms like Greatest Generation, Boomers, Gen X, Millennials, Gen Z, etc.

I understand these terms are partly arbitrary and help demographers organize categories, but we still use them in conversation. So, with the current cohort of parents, what are they doing prototypically wrong?

Thiry: That is a big, important question.

Today, parents often try to prevent their children from experiencing what they perceive as “negative” experiences.

You are right: we do not want bad things to happen to our kids.

But often, we prevent them from experiencing the necessary discomfort—discomfort that is required for building resilience.

We also sometimes prevent them from experiencing natural consequences required for learning and behaviour change.

I have a child, so I deeply relate to the instinct to protect.

However, children must independently learn some of these emotional regulation and coping skills.

They need to experience discomfort—it is required for growth.

So, a lot of what we see is a kind of enabling behaviour.

The causes for this are multifaceted.

Some of it is because parents today are very busy—they do not always have the time to work through these issues slowly and deliberately with their kids.

It can feel easier and faster to say, “Let me do it for you,” or “Just listen to me so you do not have to go through this heartbreak,” or “Just avoid this experience.”

Sometimes, it is also because such difficulties were not part of “the plan” parents envisioned for their children.

Thirty: Also, I have seen some expectations placed on kids that are not conducive to them figuring out their own identities—their own paths, their own wants, and how they can be fully empowered to take ownership of who they are as individuals.

So those are a few of the reasons.

Jacobsen: What is wrong with the kids today?

Thiry: The kids are hurting.

Many of them are lonely, and they do not feel a sense of belonging or connectedness.

There is a saying—I forget where I heard it—that if you are starved of something, you will “lick it off of knives.”

That applies to some of the engagement kids have with social media today.

Even though it is painful for them, they keep engaging with it.

I have kids who say things like, “I need boundaries,” or “I had to delete my Instagram because every time I looked at it, I felt terrible about myself.”

They are trying to figure out how to protect themselves.

But listen—our kids are up against the best and brightest engineers in the world, designing algorithms to capture and keep their attention.

Even if they wanted to stop looking at some of this content, they would still be inundated with it.

They cannot easily go in and change the algorithm.

Neither can we, as parents—even though we are supposed to protect them.

So, many kids today express feelings of powerlessness and meaninglessness and struggle to find where they belong or feel seen.

Jacobsen: Cultures differ. Families differ. The values of cultures and families differ internally and across different parts of the world.

But evidence is evidence when it comes to mental health practices. How do you balance cultural and family values with fully evidence-based mental health practices in child development?

Thiry: Some human needs are inherent.

The need for belonging, the need for a sense of significance, and the need to feel loved are universal human needs.

I like to stick with the foundational principles known to be true across cultures.

From the moment they are born, children are constantly scanning their environment for safety:

“Am I safe? Am I safe? Am I safe?”

And if they feel that they are in a safe environment, then they begin scanning for attunement:

“Am I loved? Am I loved?” 

Am I loved?

Am I seeing myself reflected to me as part of that natural childhood development?

This is true across cultures.

Only from a place of safety—and then feeling attuned—can children feel safe enough to start being curious, to learn, to explore, to take risks, and to grow.

If not, they will constantly be scanning for safety and attunement.

So, start at the foundation.

Jacobsen: Social media and the Internet were transformative to social interactions in a very significant way.

On the one hand, they gave the world access to the world: anyone, if motivated, can now know almost anything about any place, and most of it is available in translation into their native tongue.

On the other hand, all of these associated issues—overuse, addictive design, isolation—became compounded, especially with the best engineers in the world developing programs that tap directly into dopaminergic reward systems and get kids hooked.

So, there is an addictive quality and a self-isolating tendency that can develop from that as well.

I cannot think of anything in the nineteenth century—or even early twentieth century—outside of maybe the invention of the Ford Model T and the subsequent revolution in mobility that was as immediately transformative as the advent of widespread social media.

Do you see anything on the horizon that could be as impactful—or even more impactful—regarding child development that we should be mindful of?

Thiry: AI is already very significant.

In some contexts, it is being used in place of relationships, and parents need to monitor it very closely.

Honestly, we do not even fully know what it is capable of.

It is an incredible tool—just like social media is unbelievable for spreading information—but parents need to know that young minds do not necessarily understand who or what is on the other side of these interactions.

And yes, I strongly caution parents to stay alert to that.

Jacobsen: Stacy, thank you for your time today and expertise. I appreciate it. Nice to meet you.

Thiry: Yes. Thank you. It was a pleasure.

Jacobsen: We will be in touch. Thank you.

Thiry: Thank you.

—

https://growtherapy.com/provider/mvubs5f5trs7/stacy-thiry

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