Body Language Builds Intimacy: Dating Tips from Expert Christopher Louis

Author(s): Scott Douglas Jacobsen

Publication (Outlet/Website): A Further Inquiry

Publication Date (yyyy/mm/dd): 2025/06/10

Part 1 of 4

Christopher Louis is a Los Angeles–based international dating and relationship coach and founder of Dating Intelligence. As host of the Dating Intelligence Podcast, Louis draws on intuition and lived experience to guide clients toward authentic selves and meaningful romantic connections. He emphasizes eye contact, posture, and respectful touch to build intimacy and decode unspoken emotions. Louis discusses cultural differences in nonverbal cues, highlights common misinterpretations, and stresses the importance of curiosity and communication over assumptions. Through live events, media, and coaching, he guides individuals in reading emotional tension, deepening bonds, and fostering connection. His mission is to help people stop overthinking and thrive in their dating lives through awareness and emotional presence.

Scott Douglas Jacobsen: Today, we’re here with Christopher Louis, a Los Angeles-based international dating and relationship coach and the founder of Dating Intelligence. He is best known as the host of the Dating Intelligence Podcast, where he explores the nuances of modern dating and relationships with a wide range of expert guests. Christopher has guided thousands of individuals through his work in understanding love, connection, and personal development. His coaching blends intuition with lived experience to help clients discover their authentic selves and build meaningful romantic relationships. He offers support through live events, media engagements, and one-on-one coaching sessions.

He teaches clients how to interpret body language, develop emotional communication skills, and choose compatible partners. Christopher’s mission is straightforward: to help people stop overthinking and start thriving in their dating lives. Thank you so much for joining me today. First question—how does body language reveal unspoken emotions in romantic relationships?

Christopher Louis: Body language is one of the most potent forms of communication—arguably more impactful than words. Every human being, even animals, relies on nonverbal cues to understand and relate to one another. From the moment we’re born, we use physical gestures to communicate with our parents, especially before we can speak.

In romantic relationships, body language remains a significant channel of expression. Eye contact, posture, proximity, and facial expressions carry emotional weight. These signals can communicate interest, affection, discomfort, or even withdrawal—often without a single word being spoken. It’s how couples begin to read and respond to each other, shaping their connection over time.

Jacobsen: What are some familiar nonverbal cues that indicate attraction or emotional connection?

Louis: Eye contact is one of the biggest cues, and I stress it with all my clients. When you’re on a date—especially for men—it’s essential to give your full attention when the other person is speaking. Strong, steady eye contact signals interest and emotional presence. It makes your date feel seen and heard, even if you feel nervous or distracted.

Another important cue is body orientation. I always tell my clients, “If you’re sitting across from someone, lean in slightly.” That subtle forward posture communicates openness and attentiveness, helping create a sense of intimacy and shared energy.

Lastly, physical touch—when appropriate—is a strong nonverbal signal of connection. I advise clients to be mindful and respectful. Still, a light touch on the hand or arm can be significant if both people are comfortable. These small gestures often help build rapport and emotional safety in the early stages of dating.

Louis: That, in a funny sort of way—when you’re smiling, when you’re laughing, whatever it may be—that small little bit of physical touch is always essential when it comes to the flirtatious side. The key is ensuring it’s not too forward, creepy or off-putting but respectful. You also want to know whether the other person is open to and receptive to that body language.

Jacobsen: How can couples become more aware of each other’s body language to strengthen their bond rather than diminish it?

Louis: Physical touch is a key factor here. Everyone has their preferred love language, and while not everyone prioritizes physical touch, it can still be an essential bridge for connection. Simple gestures—holding hands, placing a hand on a partner’s knee, or sitting shoulder-to-shoulder—can subtly reinforce intimacy and keep a relationship upbeat.

On the flip side, some people are just not wired that way. Some individuals dislike being hugged or touched—and that’s okay. It does not mean they cannot have a strong and healthy relationship. In those cases, connection comes more through words and presence.

So, eye contact becomes especially important. Even if someone is not physically affectionate, looking at them, smiling, and giving them your full attention can communicate that they are loved and valued. That energy is just as meaningful.

Jacobsen: Now, I’m Canadian, and you’re American. Our cultures overlap because of the deep historical ties between the countries. But in other parts of the world, there can be significant cultural differences—different first languages, different social norms—even something as basic as how close people stand to one another. Are there cultural differences in romantic body language that partners should consider?

Louis: It depends. My first instinct is to say no because love is pretty universal. But when you consider culture, you need to be mindful. For example, in some Asian cultures—like Japan, China, or India—specific physical space and touch norms differ from Western expectations. Public displays of affection might be more restrained.

In contrast, Western cultures—whether in Europe, the United States, Canada, Mexico, or Central and South America—are generally more open to physical expression in romantic settings. So, while I believe body language is universal, adapting and respecting cultural nuances is essential. Awareness and sensitivity to your partner’s background go a long way.

Once again—excuse me—body language is the first and foremost form of communication we know. It’s all we have from the moment we leave the womb. Animals in the wild are the same—it’s all about how they communicate through physical cues and movement. You said something spot-on earlier: standing close to someone, smiling at them, or the way you look at them while they speak—especially with eye contact—conveys so much more than words ever could.

Now, when you travel to places like India or Japan—places I’ve visited—you’ll encounter cultures with more formal boundaries around physical interaction. In those cases, body language becomes even more essential because touch may not be culturally acceptable in public. That’s when nonverbal communication becomes key, like eye contact, posture, and directional body positioning. How you’re standing, or your body is angled toward the person you’re speaking to, can say a great deal.

This kind of body language can take on a flirtatious quality and be the starting point for a romantic connection. When two people from different cultural backgrounds come together, they eventually learn to develop their own shared “language”—a personalized, mutual body language that works uniquely for their relationship.

Jacobsen: How can body language be used to help identify emotional tension in a relationship?

Louis: That’s a great question. One of the first signs of emotional tension is often found in the eyes. You can feel it when someone is upset, withdrawn, or not emotionally present. Their eye contact changes, their gaze shifts, they might avoid looking directly at you—or their blinking rate or breathing might become shallow or rapid.

Then, you move down the body. Folded arms, crossed legs pointing away from you, a turned torso—these are classic signs of disengagement or defensiveness. If you’re sitting down and your partner’s legs or body are angled away, that’s a cue. Fidgeting is another. Restlessness in the chair, shifting weight from side to side, tapping fingers, or squeezing their hands can indicate frustration or emotional withdrawal.

I’ve seen this often in couples therapy. For example, I work with a boyfriend and girlfriend and always know when she’s frustrated. When he talks, she’ll shift her weight to the left, cross her legs tightly, and fold her arms—sometimes even turn her body slightly away from him while giving him a half-glance or side-eye. But when things are going well, her posture completely changes—she faces him directly, her legs are crossed in a relaxed, classic position, her arms are loosely placed, and her energy is open.

For men, it’s a bit different. We tend not to cross our legs as often, but men usually grip the sides of their chairs or fidget. They’ll rotate slightly back and forth if it’s a swivel chair. Their heads may tilt, and their eyes dart—classic signs of mental distraction or emotional tension. These physical cues are easy to miss if you are not paying attention. Still, they can reveal much about what is happening emotionally.

You can always feel the tension when both people in a relationship are upset—it’s that moment when the emotional energy shifts, and you can feel the friction in the room. When two people clash like that, body language tends to close off. But hopefully—like I always say—if they can engage in healthy verbal communication, they can start to relieve that pressure. Ideally, that leads them back to a space where positive body language can re-emerge.

Jacobsen: Now that you’ve mentioned eye contact and some of its nuances, can you take a deeper dive into eye contact’s role in building intimacy between partners, particularly how it might evolve as a relationship matures?

Louis: This is a great one—I love this question. Let’s start with eye contact from what I call Dating 101. At that early stage, eye contact is all about positive reinforcement. It’s about projecting interest, attentiveness, and positive energy. It also helps improve listening. When someone knows you’re looking at them—entirely focused—it makes them feel valued, building trust right from the start.

When it comes to flirting, eye contact adds a layer of subtlety. For guys, it might be leaning in slightly with what’s often called “the smoulder.” You’ve probably heard the term. It’s that confident, slow gaze—flirting without saying a word.

Conversely, women often express flirtation through brightness in their eyes and small, rhythmic gestures—like twirling or stroking their hair. This is not universal, but many women with longer hair will play with it or run their fingers through it while maintaining eye contact. These are physical cues layered with emotion—often unconscious signals of attraction.

Now, as the relationship develops, eye contact evolves, too. It becomes less about attraction and more about emotional depth. One of the exercises I often coach couples on—something I do with my partner—is this: sit down, face each other, and maintain eye contact for a full minute. No talking. Just looking into each other’s eyes.

That single minute can be compelling. It resets emotional connection—especially for couples constantly busy or distracted by daily distractions. My partner and I both have whole lives and full schedules. But when we stop, hug, and look into each other’s eyes—even briefly—it brings us back to the center. It’s like saying, “There you are.”

That moment of mutual presence reminds you both of what matters. And once that connection is re-established through something as simple as eye contact, everything else starts to realign. It grounds you. It says, “We’re here.”

We’re back at it now. Eye contact is essential in relationships, and many people do not prioritize it enough, especially in everyday moments. Think about when you’re sitting on the couch with your partner, watching a show, scrolling your phone, or doing something mundane. Even during that downtime, there’s a lost art in pausing, turning to your partner, and looking at them.

Sometimes, I look at my partner while we sit together. And then she’ll catch me staring and go, “What?” And I’ll say, “Nothing, I just wanted to look at you.” That little moment brings back the connection. It’s that unspoken reminder—”There you are. I see you.” And honestly, more couples need to do that. It’s simple but powerful.

Jacobsen: What about the misinterpretation of body language? Depending on their personality, some people rely more on intuition and emotional receptivity—they’re open to reading a broader range of signals in their environment. Others are more analytical or verbal. But intuition can fail. People misread situations, misinterpret tone or even text messages. How do people typically misread body language? And how does that create tension in relationships? More importantly, how can couples reorient themselves so they do not take a misreading as a deliberate offence?

Louis: First, I love that you used the phrase “reading the room.” That’s a big one when it comes to understanding body language. So, let me give a broad but practical answer by starting with a real-world setting—social events.

Let’s say you’re at a party or a mixer, and you’re meeting someone for the first time. This is Body Language 101. Many people, especially men, tend to read the room wrong. They walk in, pick someone they find attractive, and go straight in—no pause, no scan of the environment, no reading cues.

What they fail to consider is context. That woman might’ve already been hit on five times that night. Maybe she’s tired, not in the mood, or wants to enjoy herself. Suppose a guy doesn’t take a moment to observe her posture, openness, and interaction with others. In that case, he’s likely to misread her availability or receptiveness. That’s how friction and awkwardness start.

One of the things I pride myself on is being able to read a room. Scott, you could put 100 women in a room, and I could tell you exactly which one is open to being approached and which one is not before I speak to anyone. It is not magic; it is awareness. The key is observing from a distance: Is she making eye contact? Is she smiling naturally? Is her body facing outward or turned inward in a closed-off way?

Most people—especially those acting on pure instinct or emotion—skip this step, which creates misinterpretation. Misreading body language can cause conflict in relationships, not just in dating. Your partner might cross their arms because they’re cold, not upset. Or maybe they’re quiet because they’re tired, not angry.

That’s why communication is everything. If something feels off, ask. Do not assume. The solution is to create an environment where both people feel safe clarifying what they mean and how they think. That way, misreads do not turn into full-blown arguments. It becomes a partnership of curiosity, not accusation.

She’s shut down. So, watching it happen in real-time is laughable when the next guy comes in and tries the same old approach. But here’s the thing—I could probably go up to that same woman after five guys have already tried and still make a genuine connection. Why? Because I read the room. I gauge her emotional state and switch the tone. Maybe I crack a joke—something witty or unexpected—that pulls her out of that mental loop. Suddenly, she’s smiling; she’s curious. She’s thinking, “Wait, who is this guy?” And I’ll say, “Hi, my name is such-and-such.” Just like that, the energy shifts because I met her where she was emotionally and changed the narrative.

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