Parenting with Purpose: Identity, Antiracism, and Raising Conscious Kids

Author(s): Scott Douglas Jacobsen

Publication (Outlet/Website): A Further Inquiry

Publication Date (yyyy/mm/dd): 2025/05/28

Dr. Joe-Joe McManus, a leading antiracism educator, reflects on his upbringing in a multiracial, interfaith family and how those experiences shaped his parenting and advocacy. Raised in a racially tense town south of Boston with his adopted African American brother, McManus witnessed systemic racism and antisemitism firsthand. He emphasizes that parents must engage children early with age-appropriate, inclusive conversations about race, identity, and oppression. He warns against shielding children from reality, noting that children of color face these issues from birth. McManus advocates intentional, values-based parenting that fosters critical thinking, empathy, and resilience in today’s increasingly polarized society.

Scott Douglas Jacobsen: Today, we are here with Dr. Joe-Joe McManus. We will be talking about family, your upbringing, and how those experiences can inform parenting—not in an overbearing way, but in ways that might be helpful. I wrote a piece for a small platform called The Court of Camelittle. So it goes:

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Growing up in the United States several decades ago—as a mixed person with an African American brother—how did your family navigate conversations that might have been more difficult for other families in other contexts? These conversations can be confusing because Americans are keen on free speech and their identities. Conversations around identity can be complicated because the country is in a strange place: it is middling in age. European countries are old. America is a few centuries old—young compared to some, but not new.

You have the theft of land from Mexicans and Native Americans. You have the transatlantic slave trade, mainly from Western Africa. You also have Europeans who were not considered white for long periods—hence signs like “No Blacks, No Jews, No Irish.” These contexts make up a historical backdrop and can weigh heavily on conversations—especially when those conversations are awkward or involve young children.

So, how did your family navigate those conversations? And what can other families learn from that experience?

Dr. Joe-Joe McManus: Wow. That is a whole lot that you brought up there. There’s a lot to unpack.

First, I think of the U.S. more as a young nation. If we compare ourselves to China or other older civilizations, we are not even teenagers yet. And in terms of free speech—that’s a layered issue. Most Americans say they believe in free speech… as long as they agree with what’s being said.

That is coming out a lot right now—because free speech and academic freedom are under attack, which is an extension of free speech. And I think that has often been the case in our history: free speech is conditional.

As far as growing up in my family, my mom was Jewish, my dad was Irish Catholic with some English ancestry, and they adopted my brother, who is African American.

We grew up in a white-flight town south of Boston, Massachusetts. And Boston, of course, has never exactly been heralded as a bastion of integration or multicultural love—it has long been seen as a racist city. I grew up during a time of white flight when people were leaving Boston to avoid the desegregation of schools.

The town I lived in had been predominantly Cape Verdean, Puerto Rican, and African American, but it quickly transitioned to mostly Irish and Italian families—people who had moved from Boston specifically to avoid integrated schools. It was a time of significant transition in that town.

There was a lot of hate and much anger—primarily racism, but also a significant amount of antisemitism. Even in that part of the country, there was also some anti-Catholic sentiment. Our family sat at the intersection of all of that.

Jacobsen: That is Richard Pryor’s joke—”Get him, he’s all of them.”

McManus: That’s right. I grew up with some fantastic people, however. I have two brothers—my brother Casey, who is adopted and just eleven months younger than me, and my brother BJ, who is four years younger and looks nothing like me. He has blonde hair and blue eyes—he looks more like our dad.

We used to joke that when we went to Boston, we could not go to any one neighbourhood where all three of us would be accepted. Depending on where we went, we always knew which of us we had to protect the most. That was just a regular part of our experience.

The town we grew up in is interesting. I went back recently because I was invited to give a book talk. About 35 years ago, I was asked to provide one of my first professional talks about racism at that school. The teacher who invited me back then did not need special permission—she set up an assembly, everyone came, and I spoke. Then, I visited classrooms and led small workshops.

But this time, it was different. I had to meet with the principal, the superintendent, and the multicultural committee. They ultimately decided that the topic of racism and white supremacy was too controversial, and I was not invited to speak at the school. So, instead, we hosted the event on a weekend and opened it to the public.

In the book, I talk about growing up there and the racism my brother faced and how it affected him and our entire family. When we talk about our upbringing and how it shapes us, there is a lot to reflect on.

I now advise executive leaders—primarily in higher education and corporate and government sectors. I’ve done that mainly in the U.S., but also in some other countries. One thing that seems to be universal is that when people are trying to defend oppressive belief systems, they often start by telling me about their childhood—why they believe what they believe.

It fascinates me. These people are otherwise intelligent, highly accomplished, and in positions of absolute power. They are leading massive organizations. But when it comes to these issues, they become irrational. They set aside their critical thinking skills. It becomes about belief systems.

They will tell me something like, “When I was young, I was taught X,” and then use that to justify beliefs they hold now. And I always ask them, “What else did you believe when you were ten that you no longer believe today?”

I remind them that for many, many years—decades, in most cases—they have been in charge of what they have learned, where they have lived, whom they have befriended, what experiences they have allowed themselves to have, where they have travelled, and all the other things that shape who we are. They have to take responsibility for that.

So yes, it is essential to talk about parenting and how it influences our beliefs—because that is huge. However, as adults, we must also take responsibility for our beliefs and not use our upbringing as an excuse.

Jacobsen: When I talk to child psychologists, they often focus on the child’s emotional development, the child’s educational advancement, and the child’s moral sophistication. These are all distinct but interconnected factors. To be emotionally regulated is necessary for the ability to study, and studying is essential for academic success, these things are not neatly segmented. They reinforce one another.

Your expertise is around how Americans relate to one another through identity—and how to introduce perspective and clarity, maybe even a bit of cold water, so people can better understand each other and relate more healthily.

For parents trying to navigate these complicated American spaces—especially in a politically charged environment—how can they ensure there is room for their children to explore and come to their realizations in their own time?

McManus: Well, there are different aspects to being a parent—and different spheres where you have control and where you have none. Sometimes, it feels like you have no power, especially as children grow older.

I have a 14-year-old daughter now. And over the course of her life, I have realized just how little I knew about parenting—even though my parents were wonderful.

It is like when people say they understand the educational system because they were once students. It is similar to parenting. Just because you were once a kid in a family does not mean you understand parenting.

You have a perspective on parenting—based on what your parents did—but as a kid, you do not understand why your parents did what they did. A lot of what parenting ends up being on-the-job training.

Jacobsen: That’s a great line.

McManus: So I think we often look back—even those of us who are diligent and intentional—and realize we are constantly learning as we go.

I am conscious of all these issues and constantly trying to help my child think critically, develop her own perspectives, and understand the world around her. And yet, when I look back, I think of all the missed opportunities.

I think it is important not to beat ourselves up about that—but at the same time, we should try to take advantage of opportunities when we can to offer these moments of insight and growth to our kids.

We all want to protect our children. That instinct is universal—or at least I hope it is. Often, for example, white parents are afraid to bring up complex topics like race with their children. They do not want to “corrupt” them or burden them with heavy issues at a young age. But I would ask those parents to consider that children of colour are often forced to deal with those same issues from day one.

And as long as we live in systems that perpetuate racism, sexism, and other forms of oppression, it is essential to recognize that children begin absorbing those messages at the earliest ages.

So if we are serious about not raising our children to internalize those harmful systems—if we want to raise children with open minds, rooted in love and antiracist values—then it has to begin early. Early childhood educators tell us: yes, there is such a thing as age-appropriate content. But it is not really about the issues themselves but about how you bring them up.

With little kids, it can be as simple as what toys they play with or what they see on television. Are they seeing a variety of people? Are they interacting with people from different backgrounds in your everyday life?

And that is often where people realize their gaps—who they are, who they relate to, and who they surround themselves with. Some parents look around and learn, “I don’t have a diverse group of friends around my kids.”

Then they wonder, “How do I fix that right now?” And the answer is—it is not that simple. But we must try. We have to make every effort possible as early as we can.

Jacobsen: Dr. McManus, thank you for your time today. 

McManus: All right. Bye. Have a good rest of your day.

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