Scott Durgin, Rick Rosner, and Matthew Scillitani on Fatherhood Facts and Opinions 1: First Salvo

Scott Douglas Jacobsen
In-Sight Publishing, Fort Langley, British Columbia, Canada

Correspondence: Scott Douglas Jacobsen (Email: scott.jacobsen2025@gmail.com)

Received: January 19, 2025
Accepted: N/A
Published: January 22, 2025 

Abstract

This interview explores the multifaceted experiences of fatherhood through the perspectives of Giga Society members Rick Rosner, Scott Durgin, and Matthew Scillitani, as well as the reflections of Scott Douglas Jacobsen. The conversation traverses diverse topics, including the evolution of parenting styles, the influence of generational gaps, character development in children, and the challenges and rewards of fatherhood. The dialogue offers insights into Rosner’s unconventional career and parenting approach, Durgin’s emphasis on exposing his children to diverse experiences, and Scillitani’s early journey as a father. The interview highlights shared themes of reflection, adaptation, and a deep commitment to fostering meaningful relationships with their children.

Keywords: character development, fatherhood, generational differences, life lessons, moral decisions, parenting, perseverance, personal growth, resilience, trauma

Introduction

In this comprehensive interview, Scott Douglas Jacobsen engages with three members of the Giga Society—Rick Rosner, Scott Durgin, and Matthew Scillitani—to explore the complexities of fatherhood. Each contributor brings a unique perspective shaped by their personal experiences, intellectual insights, and cultural contexts.

Matthew Scillitani, a software engineer from Cary, North Carolina, is a member of the Giga Society, an exclusive high-IQ organization. He is currently pursuing an M.S. in Computer Science at Georgia Tech with a focus in machine learning. Scillitani has a diverse professional background, previously working as a web developer, SEO specialist, research psychologist, and data analyst. He is bilingual; learning Dutch to solve Netherlandic puzzles and read Dutch books. His personal interests include machine learning, puzzling, nutrition, world history, and spending time with family.

Scott Durgin, a member of the Giga Society, is recognized for his profound intellectual insights and wide-ranging expertise. His work explores critical thinking, science fiction, and sociopolitical issues, focusing on the interplay of science, philosophy, and history. A polymath and a passionate advocate of evidence-based reasoning, Durgin emphasizes the importance of education, freedom, and intellectual curiosity. He has contributed significantly to advanced problem-solving and scientific innovation through professional roles in engineering and academia. Durgin also delves deeply into historical figures’ cultural and philosophical legacy, exemplifying a dedication to interdisciplinary exploration and lifelong learning.

Rick Rosner, born May 2, 1960, is an American television writer and reality TV personality with one of the highest recorded IQs. Known for his unconventional career path, Rosner worked as a stripper, bouncer, and roller-skating waiter before entering television. He has contributed to shows like “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” and gained notoriety for suing “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire” over a flawed question. Rosner has been featured in documentaries and commercials and received multiple industry nominations, including Emmy and Writers Guild Awards. His life blends high intellect with quirky career choices and contributions to the entertainment world.

Main Text (Interview)

Interviewer: Scott Douglas Jacobsen

Interviewees: Matthew Scillitani, Rick Rosner, Scott Durgin

Section 1: Introduction to the Series

Scott Douglas Jacobsen: So, three Giga-Society members, Paul Cooijmans from 1996, who are dads. We’re calling this series Fatherhood Facts and Opinions.  So, what are your thoughts on fatherhood? 

Section 2: Reflections on Generations of Fatherhood

Rick Rosner: I have several generations to compare—not just my experiences as a dad but also my experiences with my two dads, my biological dad and my stepdad. My stepdad did a better job than my biological dad. I was with my stepdad for 11 months of the year. He was married to my mom, and he tried hard with me. I was a difficult kid, and he faced significant pressures from his family, which he tried not to inflict on us.

He was a good man; I wish I had known and treated him better. However, the concept of fatherhood, even as a topic, might not have come up in his generation. Parenting wasn’t even a term. It may have appeared in one in a million publications before 1980, but it wasn’t something people thought about much.

You had children, sent them to school, and they were just your kids. You told them what to do. The idea of working on being a parent wasn’t a thing until the 1980s. For most people, laissez-faire parenting is the notion that if you provided your kids with food, a place to live, and clothing, had dinner with them, watched TV together and sent them to school; everything would turn out fine.

Section 3: Parenting in the 20th Century

Rosner: My biological dad and my mom got divorced when I was an infant, and it wasn’t an amicable divorce. He was always behind on child support. At one point, when my mom and I visited him to see if he would contribute to my college expenses, he claimed I wasn’t his real son, that he didn’t love me, and that his real son was my stepbrother—whom my dad had adopted. He was just being cruel. He got better later and was a better grandfather, but back then, he was difficult.

He was a workaholic. Even with the kids he lived with full-time, he wasn’t very available to them because he was always at the office. People found it odd, and his second wife eventually grew tired of it, but it wasn’t that unusual for the 1970s.

Section 4: Modern Parenting Reflections

Rosner: My child was born in 1995. My wife and I have spent much time reflecting on our lives. I’ve been to at least six therapists in my lifetime, and I’ve also tried writing my autobiography for decades. My wife has also spent time in therapy, though she’s less troubled than I am. She has her wounds from her upbringing, particularly related to her mom.

Her dad was kind but quiet, reflecting the style of his generation. Suppose you’ve seen the movie Postcards from the Edge. You know that Shirley MacLaine plays the overbearing mom, and the dad is always in the background. In that case, I don’t think he has a single line. That dynamic reminds me of her upbringing.

Dads were quieter; they weren’t as involved, for the most part. Carol and I had our child during an era when parenting was fully in focus, and we tried to be conscientious and avoid repeating our parents’ mistakes. We didn’t become tiger parents, hovering over everything, but we were fortunate to have a good, engaging child to be around. We just tried to support her and provide help without making that help unfair.

Section 5: College Admissions and Parental Support

Rosner: A few years ago, maybe three or four, there was a college admissions scandal the Feds called Varsity Blues. Parents were spending a million dollars, half a million, bribing colleges. They used a college admissions expert to set up bribes for admissions offices to get their kids in, even if they weren’t entirely qualified.

We didn’t do any of that, but we did much studying about what it took to get into selective colleges. We became a three-person team: my wife, our child, and I dedicated to helping her. She earned a scholarship to a private high school, which was a great opportunity because private schools tend to have better counselling departments.

So, I guess it was a four-person team—three of us, plus the admissions counsellor—strategizing and assembling the best admissions packet we could. We ensured she took the right classes but didn’t push her into anything. She pushed herself. She took many AP classes and even hired me as her PSAT tutor because she wanted to be a National Merit Scholar, even though that’s mostly a meaningless distinction. I pushed her hard until she fired me for going too far.

I had her take 80 practice SAT and PSAT tests at one point. We were resources for her in what she wanted to do. We get along with her, though she’s cited things we’ve done that she says caused her some trauma. For instance, I used to take her to Adam Sandler movies that I thought were harmless but might have been over her head.

She once mentioned that I took her to a Molly Shannon movie where Shannon plays a clumsy high school girl who often shows her underwear. She said that was traumatic. I didn’t mean for it to be, but I screwed up some things too.

We took her out a lot, even when she was a baby. I’m socially awkward, and my wife is shy but not awkward. We’d go to the gym with our baby, and while one of us worked out, the other would sit in the lobby with her. This started within two weeks of her birth and continued as a routine. She was exposed to many people from an early age.

Our child turned out to be quite gregarious. My role has been to be supportive without too much pressure—helping her decide what she wants to do and supporting her. My wife and I have been lucky to have a child amenable to that parenting style.

We’ve seen other equally reasonable parents whose kids weren’t as open to that approach, and it didn’t work as well for them. So, we were fortunate.

More questions? I looked around the question, but that’s the best I could do.

Section 7: Diverse Life Lessons from Family

Scott Durgin: If I were to drastically reduce  life lessons learned from some family members: From my mother I learned to doubt; my father, to observe, work and fucking WORK; my brother to teach; my children to wonder and grow; their mother to believe; my dog to dig, to SEARCH; my new wife to listen and live carefree. Focusing on my father, who was 13th generation descendant from William Brewster (patriarch of the Mayflower) and also Rev. Robert Cushman, down through many generations of war veterans I learned further the values of perseverance, solitude, silence, respect and diligence. He was austere and severe with very little verbal communication throughout 16 years: an only son of an only son, so spent much time alone himself. First real job for him was a ranger spending weeks at a time in the Maine wilderness. This followed his short time in the army as a trained marksman, though never seeing much action between the Korean and Vietnam wars. After that, Engineering (Highway). I only learned to not despise him once reaching my early twenties. He carved his own gun stocks, bows and arrows, so I learned how to hunt, carve and navigate too. Music was plentiful growing up, so I learned to play (horns, percussion mostly) and became an audiophile before 15. Despite all these skills, his fatherly nature was perceived by me as minimal once I figured it all out. I was intent on raising my own children with many opposite intents, but in reality the lessons I learned from Dad were quite healthy after some reflection. Communication was non verbal, almost 90-100 % by example or symbolic. He was a man of few words. I am also, but with my children I attempted to improve greatly upon the past.

Section 8: Early Parenting Experiences

Matthew Scillitani: Fatherhood is a wonderful experience so far. To be fair, I’m only six months in… But no complaints from me. Week over week, I watch in awe as my daughter develops new skills and personality traits. I know that every parent thinks their kid is special, but my daughter has really exceeded my expectations in every way. By three months, she already had the fine motor coordination to turn book pages. By four months, she was solving color and shape puzzles designed for one year olds. Now at six months, she’s catching balls and scooting around. She’s also very giggly, which brings a smile to my face even when she wakes me up at 4 AM…

Speaking of, there are some drawbacks to fatherhood (and parenthood, in general). Less free time, less sleep, less romance, etc. But it’s all worth it. When I watch my daughter interacting with the world, it’s the most spectacular thing I’ve ever seen or had the pleasure to take part in. I only hope that I do a good job and don’t make any big mistakes. It’s probably every parent’s worst nightmare to mess their kid up in some unforeseeable way.

Section 9: Challenges and Adjustments in Parenting Styles

Jacobsen: Do you think your parenting style has changed from decade to decade as you’ve developed?

Rosner, I feel bad now because our kid is 6,000 miles away in England, and my wife texts her much more than I do. I feel bad that my wife has more daily interactions with her than I do. It feels a little awkward for me—I should do more of it so it doesn’t feel so awkward.

I should check in with her more often. That has changed; it was more equal during our kid’s first decade than now, in her third decade. Even so, I still help out where I can. For instance, every piece of writing needs to be edited.

So she sent me her writing, and I gave it a medium-intensity edit. I catch typos, note things I don’t think are clear, and point out repetitive word choices. Everybody should have an editor or learn to become their editor. I enjoy it—it’s a way to stay in touch with her.

Durgin: My philosophy and effort was to expose my children to as many experiences as possible as early as possible so that they had a much wider range of potential than I did. Art, books, film, concerts, education, museums, sports, science, exercise, outdoors, indoors, woods, beach and mountains, antiques, you name it. They became successful as I had hoped. This really built upon my childhood and took it to higher levels. I don’t think I’d change much of that. What I did try to change was communicating much more often with a high effort toward clarity and non-judgmental open advice.

Scillitani: This isn’t applicable to me yet, but I’ll add that my parenting style has changed even in the few months that I’ve been a dad. In the beginning, I admittedly had little patience and felt like pulling my hair out constantly. Not being able to sit down and work on something without interruption was a huge adjustment for me, and multiple times I sped through caring for my daughter so that I could get back to what I was doing. But now I realize that was foolish. Whether it’s work or leisure, whatever I’m doing isn’t anywhere near as important as spending time with my daughter. If I’m solving a puzzle or playing a game, I’ll forget all about it in a month anyway. And why am I working? For recognition, wealth, or to support my family? It took a few months to get my priorities straight, but luckily that happened before it was too late.

Section 10: Perspectives on Character and Generational Parenting

Jacobsen: How do you instill character in smart kids? Because smart kids, if they go bad—like amoral or even immoral—that can be a concern.

Rosner: Okay, I don’t know how you instill character in smart kids. With our kid, we were lucky that she didn’t feel the need to be of bad character. We know other kids who acted out at various points in their lives, and we could see how that happens. It’s not necessarily the fault of the kid or the parents.

It’s often due to personality and circumstances. In the 1970s, for example, there was more emphasis on programs like the Boy Scouts. I was a Boy Scout. Many kids were Boy Scouts, Cub Scouts, or Webelos, between Cub and Boy Scouts. There was an effort to instill character through programs like that or by being active in the church.

Even in the 1970s, though, Scouting was beginning to fade. It didn’t fit into the disco or hippie eras. But there was still this idea that if you grew up the right way, you would be of good character. That notion has diminished over time, partly because of the influence of social media.

Social media is pervasive, almost like a guide to life, but it makes people incredibly self-centred. Later generations seem more self-centred, but you can’t entirely blame them. They’re surrounded by stimuli that promote selfishness. You can see how social media could make people less empathetic or even turn them into assholes.

As for smart people, I think there’s a tendency for very intelligent individuals to be a bit sociopathic. I forget the exact distinction between sociopaths and psychopaths, but highly intelligent people might look at moral rules and see them as arbitrary.

At least for me, I don’t believe in a traditional God-keeping score. Some aspects of morality are built into the universe, but not to the extent that Jesus tracks every move. A smart person might be tempted to break traditional moral rules without religion. However, a smart person could also recognize that morality is a useful framework—it’s practical because acting immorally doesn’t get you anywhere.

For the most part, behaving reasonably well leads to better outcomes. Does that make sense?

Jacobsen: Yes.

Rosner: Now, I never taught that idea to our kids. She didn’t need to be taught morality. She happens to be—knock on wood—not a psychopath.

When you look at psychopaths who act out, they might be less intelligent than those who don’t. So, there you go.

Durgin: Kids have character already. I learned that very little effort by me was necessary to impose or instill character. Stuff they learn in kindergarten is sufficient. Story telling and play acting was a daily occurrence so I let the story sink in naturally; any addition by me was an imposition (at least I think so). I was never violent, never deceitful, always frank and never tied any sort of morality lessons to religion, despite exposing my kids to a variety of church activities. Live and let live was probably the example I exuded most of the time.

Scillitani: Leading by example. I’ve always hated the “do as I say, not as I do” mentality of many parents. If you, the parent, aren’t even able to muster up the willpower to do the right thing, how the hell is your child supposed to? When important moral decisions arise, it’s also useful to talk through them with children. I do this with myself even now as an adult. What is the proper thing to do? Why do I think that? What are the repercussions? Is it practical?

Jacobsen: What do you notice about parenting when you’re in your 80s and your children are 40, 50, or 60, compared to people with newborns? How does that differ?

Rosner: All right. Well, it’s nice to have your parents around as long as possible, which happens more often now than 100 years ago. My wife got to keep her mom until just after her mom’s 90th birthday. My mom passed away at 88 and two-thirds.

Everyone has some trouble with their parents, at least in our generation—people in their late 50s or 60s with parents in their 80s. I don’t know of any parent in their 80s who doesn’t have behavioural issues that can be a challenge for their kids. For instance, many parents refuse to adjust to their physical limitations, like falling frequently.

Falling is a terrible, often life-ending event for people in their 80s. Many parents don’t take precautions, like getting Life Alert or similar devices, and it’s dangerous. It probably contributed to the increasing debilitation of both Carol’s mom and my mom.

Carol and I have often asked each other, “When, between now—our age now—and our 80s if we live that long, are we going to turn into assholes?” I don’t know. I don’t want to be.

I’m well aware of the dangers of falling, even in my mid-60s. I tripped off a curb recently and caught myself on my wrist. I probably cracked or smashed a bone in my wrist. You see NBA players take falls like that multiple times in a game, but I’m more fragile.

Parenting in your 50s—well, being a kid in your 50s with parents in your 80s—often involves trying to guide your parents into healthier behaviours. Carol has been after me to get hearing aids and test my hearing. I do have hearing loss, especially at higher frequencies, but I can get along without hearing aids for now.

She argues that if you go too long without correcting your hearing, your brain loses the ability to interpret signals. My brain is still okay, but I’ll probably get hearing aids eventually. I’m not as resistant to the idea as the older generation.

Both our moms had issues with hearing aids. They didn’t wear them enough, let the batteries die, and left them unused. I’ll use mine properly when I get them, stay connected to the world, and try to preserve my brain. I’ll do my best not to turn into a senescent asshole.

Durgin: Not sure how to answer. Generational gaps are always problematic no matter how one attempts to distinguish between better and worse. Right thinking and right action takes decades to master, no matter who you are. 

Jacobsen: Let’s call that part one a stop. 

Discussion

The interview between Scott Douglas Jacobsen and three Giga Society members—Rick Rosner, Scott Durgin, and Matthew Scillitani—offers a multifaceted exploration of fatherhood, personal development, and intellectual engagement. Rick Rosner reflects on his upbringing with two fathers and the generational differences in parenting styles, emphasizing his stepfather’s resilience and his own approach to supporting his child without undue pressure. Rosner also discusses the evolution of parenting as a concept, contrasting the laissez-faire style of the 1970s with more intentional approaches to parenting in modern times. His candid reflections highlight the challenges and rewards of raising a child with an emphasis on education and personal growth.

Scott Durgin contributes insights from his lineage and upbringing, drawing lessons from his father’s austere yet skilled approach to life. Durgin’s parenting philosophy centers on exposing his children to diverse experiences and fostering open communication. He underscores the importance of instilling curiosity and resilience while avoiding impositions that might stifle their natural character development. His reflections provide a nuanced view of how historical and cultural legacies influence parenting choices. Matthew Scillitani, as a new father, shares his initial experiences and challenges, expressing awe at his daughter’s rapid development and the joy of witnessing her growth. 

He acknowledges the adjustments required in balancing work, leisure, and family life, emphasizing the importance of prioritizing time with his daughter over external distractions. Scillitani’s insights highlight the early stages of fatherhood and the evolving nature of parental responsibilities. Together, these perspectives offer a comprehensive understanding of the complexities and evolving nature of fatherhood. The interview underscores themes of resilience, personal growth, and the interplay of individual experiences and societal changes in shaping parenting approaches.

Methods

The interviews with Rick Rosner, Scott Durgin, and Matthew Scillitani were conducted January 19 and using a semi-structured format to allow for flexibility and depth with a live call transcribed with Rick Rosner followed by typed responses from Durgin and Scillitani.

Data Availability

No datasets were generated or analyzed during the current article. All interview content remains the intellectual property of the interviewer and interviewees.

References

(No external academic sources were cited for this interview.)

Journal & Article Details

• Publisher: In-Sight Publishing
• Publisher Founding: March 1, 2014
• Web Domain: http://www.in-sightpublishing.com
• Location: Fort Langley, Township of Langley, British Columbia, Canada
• Journal: In-Sight: Interviews
• Journal Founding: August 2, 2012
• Frequency: Four Times Per Year
• Review Status: Non-Peer-Reviewed
• Access: Electronic/Digital & Open Access
• Fees: None (Free)
• Volume Numbering: 13
• Issue Numbering: 2
• Section: D
• Theme Type: Idea
• Theme Premise: “Outliers and Outsiders”
• Theme Part: 33
• Formal Sub-Theme: Fatherhood Facts and Opinions
• Individual Publication Date: January 22, 2025
• Issue Publication Date: April 1, 2025
• Author(s): Scott Douglas Jacobsen
• Word Count: 3,064
• Image Credits: Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash
• ISSN (International Standard Serial Number): 2369-6885

Acknowledgements

The author thanks Matthew Scillitani, Rick Rosner, and Scott Durgin for their time and willingness to participate in this interview.

Author Contributions

S.D.J. conceived and conducted the interview, transcribed and edited the conversation, and prepared the manuscript.

Competing Interests

The author declares no competing interests.

License & Copyright

In-Sight Publishing by Scott Douglas Jacobsen is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
© Scott Douglas Jacobsen and In-Sight Publishing 2012–Present.

Unauthorized use or duplication of material without express permission from Scott Douglas Jacobsen is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links must use full credit to Scott Douglas Jacobsen and In-Sight Publishing with direction to the original content.

Supplementary Information

Below are various citation formats for Scott Durgin, Rick Rosner, and Matthew Scillitani on Fatherhood Facts and Opinions 1: First Salvo.

1. American Medical Association (AMA 11th Edition)
   Jacobsen S. Scott Durgin, Rick Rosner, and Matthew Scillitani on Fatherhood Facts and Opinions 1: First Salvo. January 2025;13(2). http://www.in-sightpublishing.com/fatherhood-facts-opinions-1
2. American Psychological Association (APA 7th Edition)
   Jacobsen, S. (2025, January 22). Scott Durgin, Rick Rosner, and Matthew Scillitani on Fatherhood Facts and Opinions 1: First Salvo. In-Sight Publishing. 13(2).
3. Brazilian National Standards (ABNT)
   JACOBSEN, S. Scott Durgin, Rick Rosner, and Matthew Scillitani on Fatherhood Facts and Opinions 1: First Salvo. In-Sight: Interviews, Fort Langley, v. 13, n. 2, 2025.
4. Chicago/Turabian, Author-Date (17th Edition)
   Jacobsen, Scott. 2025. “Scott Durgin, Rick Rosner, and Matthew Scillitani on Fatherhood Facts and Opinions 1: First Salvo.” In-Sight: Interviews 13 (2). http://www.in-sightpublishing.com/fatherhood-facts-opinions-1.
5. Chicago/Turabian, Notes & Bibliography (17th Edition)
   Jacobsen, S. “Scott Durgin, Rick Rosner, and Matthew Scillitani on Fatherhood Facts and Opinions 1: First Salvo.” In-Sight: Interviews 13, no. 2 (January 2025). http://www.in-sightpublishing.com/fatherhood-facts-opinions-1.
6. Harvard
   Jacobsen, S. (2025) ‘Scott Durgin, Rick Rosner, and Matthew Scillitani on Fatherhood Facts and Opinions 1: First Salvo’, In-Sight: Interviews, 13(2). http://www.in-sightpublishing.com/fatherhood-facts-opinions-1.
7. Harvard (Australian)
   Jacobsen, S 2025, ‘Scott Durgin, Rick Rosner, and Matthew Scillitani on Fatherhood Facts and Opinions 1: First Salvo’, In-Sight: Interviews, vol. 13, no. 2, http://www.in-sightpublishing.com/fatherhood-facts-opinions-1.
8. Modern Language Association (MLA, 9th Edition)
   Jacobsen, Scott. “Scott Durgin, Rick Rosner, and Matthew Scillitani on Fatherhood Facts and Opinions 1: First Salvo.” In-Sight: Interviews, vol. 13, no. 2, 2025, http://www.in-sightpublishing.com/fatherhood-facts-opinions-1.
9. Vancouver/ICMJE
   Jacobsen S. Scott Durgin, Rick Rosner, and Matthew Scillitani on Fatherhood Facts and Opinions 1: First Salvo [Internet]. 2025 Jan;13(2). Available from: http://www.in-sightpublishing.com/fatherhood-facts-opinions-1

Note on Formatting

This layout follows an adapted Nature research-article structure, tailored for an interview format. Instead of Methods, Results, and Discussion, we present Interview transcripts and a concluding Discussion. This design helps maintain scholarly rigor while accommodating narrative content.