Courtly Gestures?: or, Those Things in Time of Changes
Author(s): Scott Douglas Jacobsen
Publication (Outlet/Website): Medium (Personal)
Publication Date (yyyy/mm/dd): 2024/07/05
It’s a jarring adaptation to both when the woman makes more and wants to feel like a traditional woman in intimacy, because there’s finance for romance — and the intimacy involved courtship with the guy paying for date night and such.
It’s sad, a pity. It sounds like some women just want to be made to feel like how she identifies, in romance: as a woman properly courted by an engaged and attentive man who knows what he wants for himself, from her, and for them.
Just given the survey data and economic data, it has been and will continue to be the trend far more. A lot of women will probably succeed professionally, greatly in fact, while failing in romance. I’m sure everyone here knows some women who are real gems, catches. No decent man in sight.
Dr. Sam Vaknin says 1/3 will be lifelong singles. That’s how much more stark he is than me. By lifelong, he means basically no real boyfriend or relationship, let alone marriage and coupledom with family. That’s a hard number for me to emotionally process. It’s just so many people, when taking a distanced and academic approach to the subject matter.
So, I’d be curious if there’s been surveys on older men and women who consider remarriage or not: “What’s your reasoning?” Because the men clearly see things different. Back in the day, the men were in that boat, but were fine with it enough to remarry. Women do now, and aren’t fine with it. Is it because men had extra house help whereas modern women’s partners don’t — the men neither work nor do chores? Is it because women only accept men who fit that traditional role — bring home some bacon so you’re not a burden? (Chris Rock’s, “A man is only loved on the condition that he provide something.”)
Sam makes an argument for a unigender world. Not “for” it, as in ‘for or against,’ but a factual “it is this way,” the idea being: We moved into a unigender world with the sexes gendered masculine or as men. Everyone dresses in different ways, but their psychology is the traditional business and work man. Work and professional achievement above all else.
It has some merits. It reflects the professional landscape of workaholism, the gender confusion over roles, the disjunct and discombobulating dating expectations for many like many people’s friend, and the increased individualism and competitiveness and other traditionally masculine values. He points out women identify with 7 out of 8, I think, values traditionally associated with men in studies.
So, maybe, the men haven’t changed and the psychology of the rest moved to the masculine. So, we get these societal upheavals. Philip Zimbardo TED Talk on this in 2012 (?) or somewhere near there. Different style of argument and more focused on the younger women are doing better and the men aren’t keeping up.
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