Ask A Genius 1000: Dad Called
Author(s): Rick Rosner and Scott Douglas Jacobsen
Publication (Outlet/Website): Ask A Genius
Publication Date (yyyy/mm/dd): 2024/07/05
Rick Rosner, American Comedy Writer, www.rickrosner.org
Scott Douglas Jacobsen, Independent Journalist, www.in-sightpublishing.com
Scott Douglas Jacobsen: As I noted when you were questioning me in “Ask Scott Anything,” sessions one through five, at least those done so far, my father is an alcoholic. He also did some heavier drugs, apparently, but to uncertain amounts. As far as I have known him, he has been out of my life. But he has called family periodically and leaves drunk messages. He did that throughout my upbringing when he was not involved in family life or when he was away. He still does that for them. I had no idea. I thought it was over, as I cut contact. So, he called and explicitly mentioned me to them this time. He has gone into some form of rehabilitation program again. So, I am skeptical. My first feeling was, “Fuck you.” Have you ever had that sort of situation in your life?
Rick Rosner: No, my family has been fortunate in that regard. Nobody has needed rehabilitation for substance abuse. My father ended up in a board and care home, but that was for Parkinson’s and the effects of a fall that caused a brain bleed.
Jacobsen: Do you know others who have had families in those situations other than mine?
Rosner: Yes, but never my family. My wife’s brother could have used rehabilitation, but he could never be coaxed into it. He had more mental issues, or perhaps it was a combination of mental issues and drug abuse while living on the street. I do not know if rehabilitation would have saved him, but he could not have gotten into rehabilitation.
Jacobsen: What first comes to your mind when I say things like that? The conditions of people who have had decades of struggle with substance use. In the United States, there is a huge homeless population. I am sure a lot of this is exacerbated or precipitated by mental illness and addiction.
Rosner: I was on a neighbourhood council for a while, and we looked at homelessness as our community’s number one concern. LA County has something like 73,000 homeless people, second in the US to New York City. We were taught that it is not unreasonable to think of people experiencing homelessness as one-third with mental health issues, one-third with substance issues, and one-third with bad luck. Those fractions are inexact, but not everyone is a drug addict, and not everyone has a mental illness.
However, everyone homeless is best served by one-on-one contact with somebody who can point them in the direction of help. It does not mean they will take help, but every homeless person is an individual. It is most effective if someone knows them, understands their situation, and can try to reason with them and help them from a place of familiarity. The LAPD has community liaison officers who specialize in their community’s homeless people, but there are not enough officers to provide that level of service to every homeless person.
We can look forward to a future in which, like in Japan today, there are a lot of robotic aids for older adults who need care. Because of a declining population, there is a shortage of people who can provide that care, so they turn to robots. Maybe that is a partial solution to liaising with people experiencing homelessness. I am sure there are other solutions because we have not had this serious a homeless problem until the last, I do not know, five to ten years. I do not know exactly what made the homeless problem so bad. There are a bunch of related, interconnected reasons. We can look forward hoping that this is a passing issue. Anyway, go ahead.
Jacobsen: One parent told me to make amends with a messed-up father. I am hesitant because it has been so long. I do not necessarily have to feel another way about it because I feel comfortable without this person in my life.
Rosner: So, you feel like your father was absent and a jerk.
Jacobsen: He was absent again. He had a good moment. I do not want to blanket him as an awful person.
Rosner: All right. So, you feel like your father was often absent and often fallible.
Jacobsen: Yes, that is fair.
Rosner: Yes. Okay. How old is your father?
Jacobsen: I would guess mid-60s.
Rosner: Yes. So, he could have a long time left on Earth, and maybe, because he has tried rehabilitation before, it does not mean that it will not someday take or that he will not get a few years. If he goes into rehabilitation, he might get a few years before he relapses.
It is frustrating for you because he was not the best parent often. Also, if we can talk about it and feel free to cut this out, he has blown a lot of your family’s money on frivolous things, which is, I feel, a major issue with people with substance abuse problems. Substance abuse consumes a significant amount of money. It has an unlimited appetite for funds and can take homes, vehicles, and every other valuable possession.
Jacobsen: Any solutions? I will leave it at that.
Rosner: It does not. The costs of meeting with your father are, knowing what you know about him, largely emotional. You are not going to give him money. But you might invest in him emotionally, and he might fail you again. Those are the major risks.
Jacobsen: What do you think?
Rosner: Fair. That is entirely fair. Next session?
Jacobsen: Sure.
License & Copyright
In-Sight Publishing by Scott Douglas Jacobsen is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. ©Scott Douglas Jacobsen and In-Sight Publishing 2012-Present. Unauthorized use or duplication of material without express permission from Scott Douglas Jacobsen strictly prohibited, excerpts and links must use full credit to Scott Douglas Jacobsen and In-Sight Publishing with direction to the original content.
In-Sight Publishing 