The Greenhorn Chronicles 44: Lynne Denison Foster on Parenting Principles (1)

Author(s): Scott Douglas Jacobsen

Publication (Outlet/Website): In-Sight: Independent Interview-Based Journal

Publication Date (yyyy/mm/dd): 2023/09/22

*Interview conducted September 21, 2023.* 

*Please see the footnotes, bibliography, and citations, after the publication.*

Abstract

Lynne Denison Foster is the mother of Rebecca Foster, owner of the Bale and Bucket restaurant, and Tiffany Foster, a professional equestrian show jumper ranked the highest in Canada. She was an aviation professional for 48 years, beginning with Pacific Western Airlines in 1969 in the Edmonton Reservation office and moving to Vancouver in 1973. She helped with the implementation of the first computerized reservations systems for a regional air carrier in North America. Since 1974, she has been an instructor and in 2012 was awarded BC Aviation Council’s Lifetime Achievement Award for her contribution to educating the aviation community. At Canadian/Air Canada, she trained CEOS, Pilots, Aircraft Groomers, and worked on training initiatives and programs for aviation safety management system, computerized reservation systems, corporate change, customer services, frontline leadership, human factors, interpersonal skills, management practices, and service quality. She taught at BCIT between 2000 and 2017. Foster was key in the development of the Aviation Operations Diploma Programs. She was Chief Instructor for 7 years. In 2015, she won BCIT’s Teaching Excellence Award. Foster discusses: raising Rebecca Foster and Tiffany Foster.

Keywords: aviation, Bale and Bucket, BCIT, equestrianism, Lynne Denison Foster, parenting, Rebecca Foster, teaching, Teaching Excellence Award, Thunderbird Show Park, Tiffany Foster.

The Greenhorn Chronicles 44: Lynne Denison Foster on Parenting Principles (1)

Scott Douglas Jacobsen: Today, we are here with…

Lynne Denison Foster: …Lynne Denison Foster…

Jacobsen: …who is the mother of…?

Foster: …Tiffany Foster…

Jacobsen: …and?

Foster: …and Rebecca Foster…

Jacobsen: …who are known for?

Foster: Tiffany is known for being a professional equestrian show jumper. She has been to the Olympics twice and won the Pan-Am gold in 2015 with the Canadian Team. Rebecca owns a restaurant at the horse show, at Thunderbird Show Park in Langley here. She has been offering food service for the last 11 years from her restaurant. Before that, she worked in hospitality with me and prepared food.

Jacobsen: [Laughing]. 

Foster: So, that is what she is known for, her good food.

Jacobsen: As you have shown me with great hospitality in your home, so thank you very much for that. 

Foster: Oh, you’re welcome. 

Jacobsen: I enjoyed the apple cider vinegar with honey. It was good. I wanted to start recording some of the things that you were describing [Ed. extensively describing] of the earlier history of your role, self-identified role, as a mother, which was with Tiffany’s child acting or being in film, in commercials, and the building of some life skills that would be important later on, especially given some of your background at teaching adults these business skills, interpersonal skills, at the Airlines and BCIT. 

Foster: Right.

Jacobsen: These are more important than a lot of academic skills. As we are noticing in Canadian society and many, many developed societies, women are increasingly becoming the majority of the workforce. They are far more educated. The “soft” skills important for business and general social acumen are much, much more important than muscle, brawn, force, of voice or of body, to get things moving because much of the infrastructure of societies has been built. So, those skills that you were building at that time were, in fact, building character and skills for modern society. To me, this is one interpretation that I’m taking when I hear these stories when they are kids [Ed. Off-tape in the evening, Lynne’s kids.] of building those skills moving into the present, where they are succeeding in restaurants or professional show jumping. I was taking those as principles of parenting with practical examples that you were giving. How do you interpret now, looking back, as a parent? You’re making decisions about the progression of a child and giving some skills that will be helpful down the line.

Foster: First of all, I am very proud of both of my daughters. What I think has been really incredible for them is that they have been able to have careers pursuing their passion. That is a great accomplishment for them. Perhaps, the way they were raised might have had something to do with that. My family’s motto on my father’s side is “Perseverando”. “Perseverando” means “by persevering”. As you already know, both of these girls have worked since they were kids, and Tiffany, as I mentioned before we started the principles, was working from the time she was 7. She has continued to work until she is 39 now. From age 7 to 11, she was a principle in 32 television commercials. When she finished television commercials, she had to work for her horse board and her lessons. Approaching it from that perspective, what I have tried to encourage in them, I have it right here. 

[Shows tea mug]

Jacobsen: “If you want the best the world has to offer, offer the world your best…”

Foster: This was given to me by one of the student pilots when he graduated from the polytechnic post-secondary school, BCIT. That was one of the things that I really wanted to instill in my daughters, is that if you have to work or do something for somebody for whatever reason, then make sure that you do the best that you possibly can with what you’ve got, so that when you leave; they will either want you to come back or will wish you never left. 

Jacobsen: [Laughing] That’s great.

Foster: I did that with my adult students who were coming to BCIT, British Columbia Institute of Technology to study for a career in Aviation. That is what I also told them until I found this quote,which is much more succinct. I posted it in all my classrooms. That is what I thought was important for my children to understand as well. When they were working, they were working for Brent and Laura, your employers. They were young. They were tired and wanted to go home. I said, “No, you stay here and do it right to the best of your ability. Otherwise, you are going to have to do it again”. That was one principle of my parenting style for my children. The other one was… can I tell you a story?

Jacobsen: You can go right ahead.

Foster: When Tiffany was about 10-years-old, I asked her to do something. She chose not to do it. I asked her again. She just was not going to do it and ignored it. I said, “I am asking you to do this. If you don’t, I’m going to have to give you a consequence”. I didn’t believe in depriving my kids by saying, “No, you can’t have riding lessons” or “you can’t go to granny’s tomorrow”. I didn’t think that was an appropriate consequence. She was going to go to her friend’s place for a sleepover. I said, “You will not be able to go to Vanessa’s until you do what I am asking you to do”. She ignored my request. She was too busy.I asked her  a couple of more times. She just didn’t do it. I said, “Okay, Tiffany, you have chosen. You have made a choice. You are not going to Vanessa’s tonight”. She got very upset with me. She was crying and blaming me. “Why? You are so mean! You won’t let me do this”. This kind of stuff. I said, “What do you think would have happened if you had done it? I don’t want you to be a victim”. I had a colleague that she knew. This colleague, every time something happened because of her own actions; she would blame our employers. I said, “Do you want to be a victim like Auntie Izzy?”

Jacobsen: [Laughing].

Foster: “Do you really, really want this?” She said, “Yes, I do”. I said, “There is an obstacle, which is the consequence of your action. It is your responsibility. You created that obstacle. But now, you know that I am a reasonable person. If that is so important to you, then why don’t you think about how you can overcome the obstacle and get what you want, which is to go to Vanessa’s. But it is your actions that caused that obstacle in the first place. What do you think you can do? Go away and think about it”. She went away and came back, “Okay, how about I do what you asked me to do?” I said, “No, that is not enough. The obstacle is the consequence because you didn’t do it. Think about it again”. She went back and said, “Okay, I did what you asked me to do. How about I do this and if I…” I said, “That’s not good enough”. 

Jacobsen: [Laughing]. 

Foster: “How about the consequence?” So, she chose her own consequence if she didn’t follow through with what she told me was the solution. I said, “Okay, that makes sense to me, because you decided your consequence. If you don’t do it, then it’s the consequence you have to live with. You understand that?” “I do”. We all make mistakes. We all have poor judgments. She had made a poor judgment. There was a consequence to that. But if it is something that you really want, then you have to find a way to get around it. That is what I believe. I saw it as a teaching moment for her. Again, I am not the one to blame… if I make a threat like a consequence, then I have to follow through. As they got older, I‘ll tell you this story, too. When they were teenagers and doing things that they should not have been doing, or making mistakes…

Jacobsen: …as teenagers do…

Foster: …Yes. So then, I thought. I told them this. “As you get older, I know you want to be more and more independent and be able to be responsible for making your own choices. I think that’s good. Because you need to learn how to make your own choices and live with them. But if you make a bad choice, it’s my responsibility…” – and I laid it on thick.

Jacobsen: [Laughing].

Foster: “… as your mother, I want to be a good mother…” 

Jacobsen: [Laughing]. 

Foster: “…I want to be sure that I look after you and guide you. If you do something that you are not supposed to do, then I have to help you with that”.As I did with that situation when she (Tiffany) was 10. “So, I have to take away that responsibility from you, and I have to take it on. Your punishment, or your consequence, is that you are stuck with me. So, it might be 24 hours. It might take 48 hours, depending on the severity of the errors of your ways. But I am telling you right now. If you don’t do what you are supposed to do, then I have to take it on, as your loving mother”. I laid it on thick. [Laughing] 

Jacobsen: That’s pretty vicious. 

Foster: I said, “I will call work. I would ask for vacation time because I will be with you. I will be with you when you are sleeping to make sure you make the right choice. I will travel with you to school. I will talk to your principal saying, ‘Rebecca or Tiffany can’t make good decisions. So, I hope you don’t mind that I am in the classroom and at school with them so I can help them.’. You will be stuck with me to help you make your decisions for a certain amount of time.” And…I only had to do it once [Laughing].

Jacobsen: [Laughing]. 

Foster: Rebecca, I never had to do it. Because Rebecca was always watching what Tiffany did and learning from her ‘mistakes’. [Laughing] “Oh my God!” It was just so embarrassing, right? So, again, I don’t remember what it was that required my interception. “Okay, Tiffany, I guess I’ll just have to stick with you”. 

Jacobsen: [Laughing]. 

Foster: At the same time, her friend came over to visit her. I think they were 15 or 16. Something like that. Her friend said, “Tiffany, come outside, I’ve got to tell you something”. I was coming along with Tiffany, because she was stuck with her mom to help make good decisions. “Carry on, don’t mind me, I’m just here to help Tiffany”. We go outside. Her friend says, “Well, uh…” Finally, Tiffany goes, “Okay, mom! I get it! I get it!” And that was it. That was the only time I had to do it. Both girls weren’t stupid and they knew I would do it again if I had to. That is the parenting I did. Tiffany tried to run away from home a couple of times too. [Laughing]

Jacobsen: [Laughing]. 

Foster: I came after her. “We have to talk. Running away is not going to help. Let’s work it out”. Ask me another question, I get sidetracked. Punishing a kid for making mistakes doesn’t work. So, I laid it on kind of thick. “I am your loving mother. I just want to help you make good decisions”. 

Jacobsen: [Laughing]. 

Foster: Another question?

Jacobsen: Yes.

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