Ask A Genius 798: Iceland’s Penises
Author(s): Scott Douglas Jacobsen and Rick Rosner
Publication (Outlet/Website): Ask A Genius
Publication Date (yyyy/mm/dd): 2022/10/13
[Recording Start]
Scott Douglas Jacobsen: You wanted to talk about penises. I have one preface to the penis discussion. When I was in Iceland for the Young Humanist International General Assembly, I was running and I got elected, when I was there people talked about the Whale Museum in Iceland. People talked about Volcanic vent Museum, I think; no one went to those as far as I know. Everyone went to the Penis Museum in Iceland. It is real because they sent pictures to the group chat. Continue [Laughing].
Rick Rosner: All right, so it’s penises of all the animals in the world?
Jacobsen: I don’t know, it may only be human mammals.
Rosner: All right, so in the previous session we were talking about racial stereotypes and how most of the old school stereotypes about black people and probably a lot of the new ones or barely veiled attempts to characterize black people as inferior so we the racists can name ourselves superior. And if you’ve been looking at American politics lately, there’s been a resurgence of racism. And as with previous eras of big time racism in America, the whites who are most actively racist are also like ugly and stupid, they are not good arguments for racial superiority even though they are arguing their own superiority; they’re just loathsome a-holes.
Along with the package of racial stereotypes is that black guys are hung, that they have larger penises. And this again can be seen as part of an argument for being in charge of black people that black guys are sexual savages and we need to keep them down in brutal ways, historically lynching because they will attack our white women. But you can’t ask the question about black penises where I’ve seen and been reliably told about four individuals in my life with just ridiculously large penises because I was a male stripper. So, I saw one white guy and one black guy with just enormous penises at rest, like five inches or longer when not erect, which is a lot for a penis maybe even longer. I was told of another guy who was notorious for having a gigantic penis who went to my college. He was a black and he was said to be able to tie a knot in his which maybe an exaggeration.
My writing partner and I wrote a porno and we were at the shoot and the shoot had to shut down for like 90 minutes because the condom, after disease scares in L.A they sometimes passed the laws that the performers have to wear condoms and this was during one of those periods and a normal condom wouldn’t reasonably fit on this guy. So they had to stop down the production while a PA drove around to a bunch of 7-Elevens trying to find some place that had Magnum Extra Large condoms. So that’s a very small sample from which you cannot draw any conclusions about race and penis size. That was a white guy. So I know of four guys with huge penises; two white, two black.
For the Man Show, I worked on a piece where we researched penis size. We visited a penis surgeon and there are bad ways to enlarge your penis surgically; one is by cutting it open, wrapping the inside with cadaver skin and then sewing it back up and that gives you a girthier penis unless the skin breaks loose and then just bunches at the bottom like a sock that’s falling down your ankle and then you’ve got this mess, this barbell shaped thing that obviously is going to require more surgery. The better way if you really want to make your penis look longer, there’s a tendon that attaches to the visible base of your penis to the part of your penis that sticks out of your body and that tendon runs up into your belly and that tendon holds up your dick when you have an erection. It turns out that there’s as much penis inside of you when you have an erection or I guess in general as there is on the outside. And if you cut that tendon more your penis falls out of you which gives you a longer limp dick. Your penis looks longer when it’s not erect and you’ll never have a penis that points upward when you get an erection again because you cut the tendon. But in the locker room you’ll have an impressive looking limp penis.
This is a good segue to various reasons why black people might be thought to have larger penises than white people. And one reason is that race is largely a very recent adaptation to environmental conditions but race doesn’t really affect essential characteristics of people, intelligence or health for the most part though there are some race-specific diseases. People are people in general and races like this late add-on in the last few tens of thousands of years as a consequence of where you live, that if you live in the north where there’s not so much sunshine you don’t need much protection against solar radiation, so your skin’s going to be white. But if you live in a sunny climate your skin’s going to be darker.
Similarly, in a hot climate your balls, everybody’s balls hang outside of their body because if they were inside your body, the heat of your own body heat would cook your sperm. So it’s possible that the whole package hangs out further among people who live in hot climates just to keep the whole package where it can be air-conditioned, where it’s not up in your body and cooking your sperm. So it could be that maybe black people do have larger looking penises when limp for air conditioning for your nads. And also there was a time I believe and it still reflected in like the way they calculate kidney function that black people with more lean muscle mass and having more lean muscle affects a number that shows up in your blood or urine creatinine. That means that you calculate different numbers whether the person is having their kidney function tested, whether they’re white or black, and more recently that double calculation have been debunked.
And also more recently I doubt that black people on average are leaner than white people because at least in America because everybody in America is fat regardless of race; close to 70% of Americans are overweight, half of those people who are overweight are obese which is like being super overweight. So, most Americans are fat which means you probably don’t get that same… the fatter you are the less well-hung you look because your chubby little thighs and your poufy stomach envelop your junk. I look back when black people were statistically leaner than white people maybe that was a deal. Anyway, what I’m saying is that there may be reasons why that stereotype is true but I don’t know. I mentioned some reasons why it might be but I have no idea if it actually is.
[Recording End]
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