Melanie Rempel and Lauren Rempel on Para Dressage

Author(s): Scott Douglas Jacobsen

Publication (Outlet/Website): The Good Men Project

Publication Date (yyyy/mm/dd): 2023/12/10

Melanie Rempel is the mother of Lauren Rempel. Lauren is involved in Para Dressage. This is their story and struggles to work within the provisions available for a parent and child in Para Dressage in Canada.

Scott Douglas Jacobsen: Today, we are here with Melanie and Lauren Rempel. And your specialization is in?

Melanie Rempel: Para dressage.

Jacobsen: So, we met at Thunderbird Show Park. We had a lovely afternoon conversation. I wanted to explore some of that because I don’t recall – off the top – having a para-dressage interviewee. I aim to do equestrianism broadly, starting in Canada and then moving internationally. So, either can start. How did you get involved in horses?

Melanie: She’s always loved horses. When she was three, we met my niece Joelle at Spruce Meadows. She was calling them all “kitties” because she was three. After that, we still met her at Spruce Meadows. She just got hooked on horses. I used to teach at camp; I was a wrangler for four years at a camp in Saskatchewan. So, I love horses. So, it came to be that we just started taking lessons from a person in our town, and it just grew from there. Then, for the last six years, she’s been taking therapy. She had started at therapy because she has microcephaly, which is a small head. So, when she was born, she quit breathing. That caused her brain to not develop fully. So, her head is in the second percentile, and her body is in the 50th, so it’s small. So, she has short-term memory, intellectual issues, and social issues. She is considered a vulnerable sector child. So, she would be easy to pray on because she’s very trusting.

So, we started in therapy at Equilibrium Therapeutic Riding in Saskatchewan. Erin McCormack, her coach, just after the first year, said, “I think she could do dressage.” Equestrian Canada had just come out with the para-dressage video competition. They were letting kids or people with intellectual disabilities compete alongside it. She can’t get graded in the Para-Olympics grading, so she could never compete, which is kind of broader than the video competition. So, we were doing the video competition. She won high points champion for Canada in her division twice. She’s doing them again this year. This year, they made a division for intellectual disability, which is amazing. Because if that could grow, that’s exciting. That’s why we’re so excited to join that, to hopefully grow that intellectual disability category because she doesn’t fit the para grading system, and she doesn’t fit in the VIRTUS world sport, which is intellectual disabilities. She doesn’t quite meet the criteria on both ends. So, we were excited to do that.

She does the videos from February until November. Each month, she does it in her barn. We video it. I put it on YouTube and sent it to them. Actual judges judge it; she’s graded. She gets the dressage scores. It’s fantastic. It’s a great way for kids with disabilities who can’t afford to travel around. I mean, we’re in Saskatchewan, so there are not a lot of opportunities. So, that we can do it on video has been great. It’s grown for her. She’s been doing it for five years now. It helps with her critical thinking. It helps with her reaction time. It helps with her balance. It helps with everything; being on a horse is just therapy. To see kids and adults or people with disabilities, e.g., cerebral palsy, brain injuries, and other sort of disorders, get on a horse and be able to compete has been amazing. So, that’s where my passion lies. I want to see more and more kids like Lauren and others be able to compete. Unfortunately, Canada, in itself, is a little behind some of the other countries. So, yes, we’re hoping to help grow the sport.

Jacobsen: One detail. You mentioned a ranking showing how far Canada is behind. How far?

Melanie: Yes. So, I can’t remember where I saw it, but they said, ‘In the top 40 countries of the world, Canada is ranked 39th for disability inclusion.’ 39th, like not even the top five or the top 10. So, it’s incredibly hard for people with disabilities to get into not only sports but competition. It’s just not seen. The only other sport that we know of is Cheer. She also does a CheerABILITIES team in Warman, Saskatchewan. Again, it’s struggling because it’s so hard to get in, get funding, get a placement, and all of that, but yes, Canada has a long way to go before they get on the front stage, which feeds the para and feeds the para-Olympics. All of it.

Jacobsen: From a personal perspective, how do you feel your interest in horses first arose?

Lauren: I think it’s like the point where I called horses “kitties” at three.

Melanie: She’s never been shy around horses. It’s a natural thing in her. I think she’s drawn to them. At one point, when she was eight, I texted my husband. I said this is not a phase. It’s not just a girl who loves horses. This is a girl who can work with them. Trying to get her diagnosed took us from age 4 to age 10 to get a diagnosis for her. In that, one of the medical authorities told us, “Oh, yes, she’ll probably be in a group home. You should start looking for a home for her because she won’t function. She’s not going to be independent. She’s not going to be able to think for herself.” As a mom, I was heartbroken. I was like, “Really? That’s all there is in life for her?” And that’s right when we found the therapy side of horses. She has grown and blossomed. She’s been encouraged along the way, saying she’s got what it takes to compete. She deserves to be on a bigger stage than just a video competition. It’s great. It’s a stepping stool, but there’s just not the opportunities.

Jacobsen: What started the video competition? Was it a committee? Was it an individual impetus?

Melanie: That I can’t answer. I don’t know where it started. All I know is her coach is on the board for para-dressage on Equestrian Canada. It’s through her that we knew about it. So, she’s been a part. I’m not sure how long she’s been a part of EC, but she’s gung-ho and tries to get her students in the video competitions because her goal is to see how independent she can get her riders. So, like we said, some only do the walk test, but they’re competing. They have cerebral palsy; they couldn’t otherwise do any of this. I’m not sure where it started, but it’s a stepping stone. It’s a step in the right direction. I wish there would be a grade within Equestrian Canada for intellectual disability.

Jacobsen: What would sort of break down some of these barriers institutionally?

Melanie: Support, sponsorship.

Jacobsen: What kind of support? What kind of sponsorship?

Melanie: Sponsorship: money, flat-out money. For example, with VIRTUS World Sport, they have the Pan Asian Games; I believe they’re called that. So, you go down to the country. All of the athletes are paired up with a horse from a pool. They ride for two weeks and train, compete for a week, and then go home. So, sponsorship of horses, sponsorship of time, and payment for a facility, like even a Thunderbird here, would be great if a pool of horses exists for people with disabilities. Understanding, when you’re talking about it, there’s more awareness, so there’s more acceptance.

Jacobsen: Do you think the ‘behindness,’ to make up a word, in Canada, has more to do with institutions than individuals? In other words, the social culture is there; the institutional culture is not.

Melanie: I think it’s behind that way.

Jacobsen: It kind of seems to be characterized by sort of a value of tolerance. If you’re viewed as intolerant, you’re viewed as a bad person. If you’re viewed as tolerant, you’re viewed as a good person.

Melanie: Yes. I think on paper, and when you read stuff, it’s like, “Yes! We want people with disabilities to know they should have equal rights.” All of that, but it’s not happening. It’s up to some bigger organizations with that power and the money behind it to push it forward. Then say, “Let’s give these people a stage. As I said, VIRTUS World Sport is doing an amazing job. They’re doing video competitions as well. So, she could have been competing against people from Israel and Italy.

Jacobsen: And I raised this point earlier on the human rights domain. Canadian policy will stipulate one thing: Canadian voting record at the United Nations Human Rights Council, Security Council, and so on will be different. I did a series not in equestrianism but a separate domain on the Israel-Palestine issue with the country director for Israel-Palestine from Human Rights Watch and several UN special rapporteurs. The general notion about Canada was: We will state one thing, which is in line with international opinion, which is typically a good thing to do. Then, when it came to actual voting records, it was mixed in terms of sticking to universal human rights. Similarly, I’m getting a sense of this as well, where the institutions are behind what the culture supports. So, there’s a duplicity, maybe not conscious.

Melanie: Yes, I don’t think it’s a conscious thing. I think people want people with disabilities to be able to do things. It’s like there’s a lag time. It’s like we got the death spiral on a computer in Canada. It’s loading, loading, loading, and loading. When is it going to happen? I hope that Canada gets up out of the bottom. How to do that? I don’t know.

Jacobsen: Are there ways to creatively bypass sponsorship issues and financial barriers? So, for instance, having video competitions, it’s remote. You don’t have to travel. Horses cost money to take places. You need equipment, trailers, and trucks. Some people take trailers without trucks [Laughing]. 

Melanie: Yes, then there’s the vet, then there’s a farrier. It’s so much.

Jacobsen: Even the shortage of farriers and vets, the people who can pay the most will have them, frankly. So, there’s even a generational gap between those in the pipeline and those in their 70s, maybe 80s, still doing the trade because it pays very well, and they’re the only ones to do it. So, that is impacting something in more vulnerable sectors of society.

Melanie: It’s huge.

Jacobsen: So, you’re coming from Saskatchewan. Places that are closer to Spruce Meadows are much bigger than Thunderbird.

Melanie: Much bigger.

Jacobsen: Huge. Thunderbird itself is big. It has grown rapidly, but nothing comes close to Spruce Meadows.

Melanie: The thing is, I don’t even know if they do dressage. I don’t know.

Jacobsen: I don’t know.

Melanie: That’s the thing. It wasn’t until I had someone in the family doing horse stuff. Where, I’m like, “Oh, yes, Thunderbird does dressage. There are so many more places around here. It’s like, “Well, do we move here?” And then the funding of it all, like I said, she has been making ice cream tacos to pay for all her riding. She – literally – makes ice cream tacos all summer. It pays for her riding and her therapy throughout the whole year.

Jacobsen: As with you, I recall the Lynne Foster story of selling things at Thunderbird Show Park.

Melanie: Now, I’m trying to create an equestrian t-shirt line that I’m hoping will help fund not only Lauren. But I want to make it so 10% of each profit of every t-shirt goes into a fund that we want to start to help support other athletes who fall in between the cracks, to help them get into therapy because money is the biggest barrier: Money and accessibility. Because, even the barn she’s at, Equilibrium, she has a waiting list. It would be great if there was more training, knowledge, and spotlight.

Jacobsen: These trainers, too, work very long hours. Their staff work very long hours because they show up earlier. They leave later, typically, because few people do the more basic or intermediate labour, which isn’t grounded in a decade of training experience.

Melanie: She’s been working her way. She works in trade for lessons, as well. Back home in Saskatchewan, and even here, she comes to help her cousin because she loves horses that much. She wants to help, but it has given her more insight and independence. The whole thought of her being in an institution. Now, you look at her. You wouldn’t even think of that. So, it’s like: Let’s just give more people the opportunities. Yes, there are jobs out there.

Jacobsen: It’s about a marker of the degree of civilization of a society or the degree of civility of society, which is how the more vulnerable sectors of society are doing. I remember talking to a man from Iran. He lives in Norway. He’s at the University of Oslo, a smart man. He’s in the newspapers. He founded a group called Iran Human Rights. His name’s Mahmood Amiry-Moghaddam. He works for these teenage boys getting incarcerated or death penalties for various things. I believe he and some others noted that sort of marker to me. I met him in Copenhagen. One of the markers of a civilized society is how they are treating their prisoners and the idea that ‘No, we’re not going to kill them. We’re going to, if there’s an empirical record for that, institutionalize them.’ So, it is to give them therapy and get them back into productive society. That’s much better than leaving them there for the rest of their lives.

Melanie: Yes, writing them off.

Jacobsen: That’s exactly what it is. I think a lot of societies do that. And people like yourself are very motivated and committed to giving your daughter a good quality of life. Have you talked to other parents in a similar situation?

Melanie: Yes.

Jacobsen: How are they feeling?

Melanie: Same thing. It’s like we’re all scrambling to find opportunities for our kids. Some love horses, some don’t. She’s in Cheer as well. So, I’ve been talking to a lot of the CheerABILITIES parents. We’re all on the same page. It’s hard to find places for your kids to compete. The Special Olympics is fantastic. I know in Saskatoon (Saskatchewan). There’s a school that’s been doing Special Olympics for 40 years in their school. She was part of that. They adapted to the sports. They had the entrance parade of all the athletes. They had all the divisions. She competed with others with the same ability and intellectual level. It was fantastic. She got to compete. She came home with ribbons. But I didn’t know about that until she was in grade 10. It’s been going on. So, it’s like more people need to know about these programs.

Jacobsen: Are there networks and associations that are informal for parents like this?

Melanie: Yes, there are, but I’m frustrated because she hasn’t met the mandate for any of those organizations. I don’t want to throw any of them under the bus because they all are at capacity, which is why they have to have such strict mandates. Same with VIRTUS; they have a very hard line of intellectual disability. She was three IQ points too high.

Jacobsen: What is the definition of intellectual disability for them? What is the IQ level rating?

Melanie: I think it was 75. She was 78. They have to have a hard and fast line because it’s worldwide. You have to have a line. I respect that and understand it. It’s frustrating when you have kids on the cusp who don’t quite fit in that. She doesn’t fit into para. She doesn’t fit into VIRTUS. She doesn’t fit into Special Olympics. I mean, we’ve been fortunate enough that she’s had so much support from her school, her EAs, her coaches, and her family like her cousin. She will be able to compete in able-bodied dressage. But it’s with assistance. She needs her test called out because of her short-term memory. So, talking with the other parents, we all have the same thing: Where do you find this? So, it’s great for us as parents. We sit together and say, “Well, my daughter did this,” “I heard of this.” If you’re part of the Kinsmen…

Jacobsen: Like those whole sets of groups, the Kinsmen, the Elks, the Freemasons…

Melanie: It’s the Kinsmen in Saskatoon. There’s more of a sports angle. The Canadian Tiger has kids in sports. Whatever is out there, it’s daunting as a parent. Finally, you get tired because we’ve been fighting, battling, searching, and hunting. It’s like, “Why can’t they make them more mainstream? Why can’t they make it just more open?” But again, funding comes into that. Everything comes down to money. You see Coke. All of them sponsor every main thing. It’s like. “Well, what about people with disabilities?”

Jacobsen: Also, the funding is more pronounced in this sport. It’s at the high end, like NASCAR. I mean teams of grooms, stablehands, riders, etc., akin to people whose whole job is changing tires at a pit stop. LJ Tidball in her interview with me. We made that comparison. It’s very apt. If you’re a kid and have a hockey stick and a puck, you can practice. It won’t be a rink; it won’t be protected.

Melanie: But you can practice your shot anywhere.

Jacobsen: Correct. So, that’s slightly different than what you do because it requires a live animal that has only known captivity, is friendly to people, and that you have to build a relationship with, right?

Melanie: And you can’t just go around the corner to a small-town rink like you can and have a free skate, and then you can shoot around a puck.

Jacobsen: If you swing that hockey stick, it will swing. That bat, it’s going to swing. Shoot that basketball; it’s going to go. If a horse does not want to move, it is not moving. They will plant their feet.

Melanie: All these people say that the horse does all the work. I’m like, “You sit on a horse and let it do its own thing. It’s probably just going to stand there.”

Jacobsen: I put it to the non-tangibles. The trust makes the horse move.

Melanie: Yes, because they want to move for you. They want to please you; they want that treat. They want to work.

Jacobsen: It’s just that mint at the end of the lesson, or the carrot or the apple or whatever. How do you feel about your relationship with your horse?

Lauren: I think he is good and can tell when you have bad days.

Jacobsen: How would you describe his character?

Melanie: I’m always speaking for her. I don’t mean to jump in, but he’s an older horse. He’s a gentle, grumpy old grandpa. He cares. He knows and can read her. It’s a silent thing with her like watching her with her horse melts me every time.

Jacobsen: Do you feel more confident after working with the horse?

Lauren: Yes.

Jacobsen: Do you feel you’ve built much trust with the horse?

Lauren: Yes.

Jacobsen: How old is the horse?

Lauren: 20.

Jacobsen: What’s his name?

Lauren: Thumper.

Jacobsen: Thumper? How do you spell that?

Melanie: “Thumper” like the rabbit, like t h u m p e r. He’s a therapy horse, so he is also used for some therapy lessons. But she leases him, so she’s the main rider of him. He’s a very careful horse. He works for that carrot at the end of the lesson.

Jacobsen: What would you say is his favourite treat?

Lauren: He likes carrots and apple flavours, too.

Melanie: Yes, food in general. [Laughing] These two get along well because she’s food-motivated.

Jacobsen: I think boy horses are the best, at least, for the English discipline. They do what they’re told. They let you braid their hair. They enjoy every meal. It’s great.

Melanie: She’s been working with them in riding and living. For the summer, she lived in her coach’s yard in a camper because she didn’t drive. So, that’s why I’m still a stay-at-home mom, technically. Even though she’s almost 19. I’m still a stay-at-home mom for her because I have to drive her, which I am more than willing. My husband and I decided early on that my focus was on her. Until she’s settled in some place, that’s a live-in situation, but I’m willing to do that because I want her to succeed. I want her to be independent. I want her to live life to the fullest. I want her to have everything normal – I hate using the word “normal” – that an able-bodied or able-minded person can have. Her teacher said it would have been a whole different situation if she could do math on a horse. So, when she says her confidence, it is through the roof because of the horses. Even socially, she was bullied by exclusion from K to 12.

Jacobsen: I’m sure you’ve experienced that. I’ve experienced that growing up. It is very terrible.

Melanie: It’s the worst feeling. As a parent, to watch your child be in that, I don’t want to negate what someone who’s been bullied has gone through, but to watch your child go through it is more heart-wrenching than anything.

Jacobsen: I think it’s the aloneness, or the loneliness rather, that comes along with the bullying that you not only have through the exclusion, but then you self-isolate. I think that’s similar to a lot of experiences that are happening.

Melanie: She’s an extremely social person. She’s always smiling. We call her a ray of sunshine. She’s known as the smiley girl wherever we go. But it hurts to see that. Yet, she shows up to Thumper. He’s all love. She’s got his trust.

Jacobsen: What are your dreams with Thumper?

Melanie: Just to ride and love him.

Lauren: Yes.

Melanie: Her bucket list item is to do…

Lauren: …A show at Thunderbird in dressage. 

Melanie: So, Thumper will only carry her so far. Again, we need a pool of horses for someone who’s beginning. They get these horses. Then, when they’re done, they move on to the next. I think that’s how the UK does it. They’ve got a whole pool of horses. Clive Milkins, who’s the Chef d’Equipe for the paralympic team, has come out and done clinics at her barn. He has kind of explained how it works in the UK. I wish Canada could adapt that somewhat, but it will take minds, money, time, and a physical place to do this.

Jacobsen: What’s the main feeling many parents have in this situation?

Melanie: I want to throw out frustration. I want to throw out longing and wishing their kids could have that. I’ve been in the trenches with this for so long like she’s 19. We got a diagnosis at 10, which took six years to get. It just seems like it’s such a long road. Everything is a fight or not a fight, but everything is working. It’s tons of paperwork and tons of interviews and tons of everything. It’s a lot of work. We’re all willing to do it because we want to see our kids succeed.

I know I jump all over the place when excited about this topic.

Jacobsen: I’m trying to think of a sort of wraparound. You mentioned something earlier, if I may bring it from off tape to on tape, about a hope to potentially be a groom for Joelle. How would you like to sort of achieve that dream?

Melanie: Coming to Thunderbird every year. We come to help her during the show season, which starts in April and goes on until about September. So, we’ve been coming for five years, where I drive her here and stay with her here.

Jacobsen: It’s not cheap. Thunderbird is, I mean, rightfully so, but it’s still very expensive.

Melanie: But for her, like she is a hard worker. She has put in the time and hours to live on her coach’s farm in Saskatchewan, which will help her for her future here. They feed off each other. People with disabilities are hard workers. I think there should be more tracks available for them, not just stock shelves and not just do the simple things, but they can compete. They can be on the world stage, but being a groom is hard work.

Jacobsen: Would you like to be on the Paralympic team ever?

Lauren: Yes, that’d be quite fun.

Jacobsen: [Laughing] Very fun!

Melanie: [Laughing] Well, like I said, even we were hoping that VIRTUS World Sports would have something. Because there, she could have been on the international stage. It would have been a lot. It would have been more of her speed, but, as we said, she can do the able-bodied with a few adaptations. So, yes, when we get to the higher levels, then we’ll see. But I mean, the sky’s the limit. I’m proud of her, extremely proud of her. She’s worked hard.

Jacobsen: What would you have words for her about seeing her growth?

Melanie: Words for her? I’m just plump and proud. I have set stuff up for her. She has never let me down. She has worked hard. She gets up at whatever time we need to get up. She’s there. You give her a pink pitchfork. She’s happy to care for both ends of the horses, as my dad always told me. So, I’m proud. I’m very proud of her. She’s had a hard way through school. She’s come out of it on top. I’m going to start crying because I’m just… [Crying] Yeah, it’s been a long haul.

Jacobsen: Would you have any words for your mom that come to mind?

Melanie: [Laughing] We’re an emotional bunch of people.

Lauren: [Crying] I think ‘helpful’… ‘amazing’….

Melanie: ‘Supportive’?

Lauren: Yeah.

Melanie: I’m usually her thesaurus. I know what she’s thinking. I think the tears say it all. So, yeah.

Jacobsen: Thank you both very much for your time.

Melanie: Thank you for bringing this to light. Like I said, I’m always ready to put this on people’s minds.

Jacobsen: Yeah, and part of this is a call to action, I think.

Melanie: Absolutely.

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