On Intergenerational Communication With Mr. Melvin Lars
Author(s): Scott Douglas Jacobsen
Publication (Outlet/Website): Medium (Personal)
Publication Date (yyyy/mm/dd): 2018/05/05
Mr. Melvin Lars is a native of Bossier City/Shreveport, Louisiana; he received several undergraduate and graduate academic degrees from various universities; La. Tech. (BS) Univ. & Centenary (Admin. Cert.) College) in Louisiana, Texas (Tx. Southern (MA) Univ), Michigan (Eastern, Mi Univ, & Saginaw Valley St. Univ.) and has done extensive educational studies in Ohio (Youngstown (Supt., cert.) St Univ) and California (Los Angeles, (CA. cert) City College).
Lars is a certified Violence Prevention/Intervention Specialist, receiving his certification and training through the prestigious Harvard University, with Dr. Renee Prothro-Stith.
He is a licensed/ordained Elder/Minister in both the C.O.G.I.C. & C.M.E. Churches. He is the CEO/founder of Brighter Futures Inc; a Family Wellness, Violence Prevention/Intervention and Academic Enhancement and entertainment Company; an affiliate representative for the NFL ALLPRODADS Initiative. Former interim; Executive Director of Urban League of Greater Muskegon, Former NAACP President of Muskegon County; 2007–2012, employed as a consultant to the Michigan Department of Education as a Compliance Monitor for the (NCLB Highly Qualified) initiative for Highly Qualified Teachers and works collaboratively with Hall of Famer Jim Brown and his Amer-I-Can Program and is a ten-time published author of various books, and self-help and academic articles. He is married to Ann Lars and is the father of one adult son, Ernest. Here we talk about intergenerational communication in an uncensored and educational series.
Scott Douglas Jacobsen: When it comes to the conversations around intergenerational bonding, communication, and the facilitation of those bonds and communication, we had a discussion on the platform The Good Men Project.
With respect to building intergenerational bonds and communication, what seem like some of the more important aspects of that to you?
Melvin Lars: The first aspect would be for both parties to listen. I think, and I feel very strongly, that the older generation needs to listen more. Unfortunately, older people have a propensity not to listen to the younger people. Older generations want to “share our wisdom” and then for the wisdom to be absorbed.
Next part, which is important, we should listen with purpose. Am I listening to hear what the young person is sharing? Or am I listening to then respond and placate the young person?
We have to be willing to accept and to hear what is being expressed in order to bridge this communication gap. Because one should be clear, I may have felt strongly about something at age 20. Now, let’s say, I am 65-years-old.
Since I have the same feeling at 65 as I did at 20, it does not mean that I am right. I should listen with a purpose.
Jacobsen: Would this amount to listening to learn rather than listening to respond to the young person?
Lars: Absolutely, the human race is notorious for listening to respond to the person rather than listening to learn from the person. We do not listen to people. We are thinking about our responses while another person is thinking. So yes, it is critical and crucial.
Jacobsen: What do you notice as some stronger points of communication or even wisdom coming from the younger generation to the older generation, and vice versa?
Lars: First, older guys tend to be appeasing. When we — us older guys — sit down to have a conversation, the point is to delete preconceived notions of the outcome of the conversation or the dialogue. The point is to delete the idea, “This young person has nothing to offer me.”
We need to delete the idea of placation of the young person. We need to “allow” the young person to share with us. Then we venture into telling the young person what we think and what we know, and what has been proven over the years to us — the older person.
It is important to note. Everyone understands when he or she is being placated. We may not respond angrily. We may use a modicum of respect and decorum. However, in my experience, most people shut down if being placated. They do not like it.
They may not leave. They may not move, but they have, basically, shut down. The conversation becomes the famous “Charlie Brown” teacher talking when Charlie Brown tunes the teacher out, “Wa-wa-wa-wa.” The conversation becomes a “wa-wa-wa-wa” because as an older person I have already disrespected you.
As a younger person, you relish the fact that I am older. You allow me to do it. We should not be allowed to do it, honestly. Old people should not be allowed to be disrespectful.
Although, it may not be yelling. It may not be screaming. But when we you condescend to people, to me, that is ultimate disrespect. The voice does not have to be raised any decibel. Profanity does not have to be used. But when individuals start to placate you or something indicates placation, this is ultimate disrespect.
We should not allow that to be a part of a conversation hen we’re talking about growth and communication between generations.
Jacobsen: For adolescent men, young men, middle-aged men, and elderly men, what seem like the barriers for that communication?
Lars: I laugh. Because older men would like you to think that we have it all together. We would like you to think that we are flawless. We would you like to think that we have made no mistakes in our lives. We would like you to think that the skeletons in our closet are there, accidentally.
We would not like you to think that we were not prepared for certain situations and consequences, but those skeletons are there. I want to speak from an old man’s perspective. We have to be very careful because you can send the wrong message to younger generations.
We can have three generations here. An old man like myself, a young man like Scott, and a younger man Scott would be addressing; we have to allow room for people to grow. We have to allow room for people to say, “I experienced. I can read. I can infer. I have knowledge to understand when I read something, when I see something. I have the ability to discern.”
Although, there may be very, very strong areas. That we may need to cover in conversation. It is ensuring the atmosphere is such that individuals are allowed to discern. That they are allowed to infer.
Because if we do not do that, then it is wasted air.
Jacobsen: How can the media and the larger culture facilitate this communication?
Lars: [Laughing] Oh wow! That question, for me, is a loaded one. So, I have to be careful. Everything with the media is pre-packaged. The only questions they are going to ask will elicit the response that they want from the person.
Real opinions do not appear. Let me put it this way, they do not appear interested in what an individual truly thinks about particular topics or events. They seem interested in eliciting the certain preferable responses. The media is, in and of itself, a very critical piece of the process.
However, in my opinion that, there needs to be some structure. There should be questions prepared beforehand. However, individuals should be allowed to segue. Not be allowed to go on and on and on, but at least be able to give more “insight,” if I can use that word, into what is being discussed rather than being steered into a direction that an individual wants the conversation to go.
Jacobsen: Thank you for the opportunity and your time, Mr. Lars.
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