On Faith, Men, and Masculinity with Mr. Melvin Lars
Author(s): Scott Douglas Jacobsen
Publication (Outlet/Website): Medium (Personal)
Publication Date (yyyy/mm/dd): 2018/06/18
Mr. Melvin Lars is a native of Bossier City/Shreveport, Louisiana; he received several undergraduate and graduate academic degrees from various universities; La. Tech. (BS) Univ. & Centenary (Admin. Cert.) College) in Louisiana, Texas (Tx. Southern (MA) Univ), Michigan (Eastern, Mi Univ, & Saginaw Valley St. Univ.) and has done extensive educational studies in Ohio (Youngstown (Supt., cert.)St Univ) and California (Los Angeles, (CA. cert) City College).
Lars is a certified Violence Prevention/Intervention Specialist, receiving his certification and training through the prestigious Harvard University, with Dr. Renee Prothro-Stith.
He is a licensed/ordained Elder/Minister in both the C.O.G.I.C. & C.M.E. Churches. He is the CEO/founder of Brighter Futures Inc; a Family Wellness, Violence Prevention/Intervention and Academic Enhancement and entertainment Company; an affiliate representative for the NFL ALLPRODADS Initiative. Former interim; Executive Director of Urban League of Greater Muskegon, Former NAACP President of Muskegon County; 2007–2012, employed as a consultant to the Michigan Department of Education as a Compliance Monitor for the (NCLB Highly Qualified) initiative for Highly Qualified Teachers and works collaboratively with Hall of Famer Jim Brown and his Amer-I-Can Program and is a ten-time published author of various books, and self-help and academic articles. He is married to Ann Lars and is the father of one adult son, Ernest. Here we talk about intergenerational communication in an uncensored and educational series.
Scott Douglas Jacobsen: There is the Old Testament and the New Testament in Christianity. There is the idea of the stoic male. What passages are referenced when talking about the male role in a Christian context?
Melvin Lars: I want to start with something that may offend men. I use the passage: “Man should love his wife as God loves the church.” That trumps everything, when we talk about procreation, when we talk about how to treat our brother, and when we talk about the Golden Rule.
Even though, one may not be married. One does understand. We are supposed to love our wives the way God loved the church. We know that God told Peter, “Upon this rock, I will build my church.”
We know: Peter was not talking about a physical rock, however; he was referencing a solid foundation upon which men could place themselves. When we start to discuss Man’s interpretation of God’s Word, we should start with loving our wives as God loves the church.
I would go back to the beginning, in Genesis it talks about how Man was created, God spoke the world into existence, it talks about God felt that Adam needed a help meet, he put Adam to sleep removed one of his ribs and fashioned a woman.
We, as men, take the Bible and twist it. This assertion will anger many theologians, it angers Bible scholars and parishioners. Too often, people who consider themselves experts in the Word of God twist the words of the Bible to fit the conversation, in order to have the discussion to go in the direction that makes them comfortable and is best suited for them.
When you cite specific scriptures, it is opened to individual interpretation. I will be honest with you, Scott. I am careful about citing specific scriptures. There are so many interpretations and as a result, people begin to argue about the Bible rather than discuss the Bible.
When you start to pinpoint specific scripture, that is [Laughing] when the arguments start between people. I tend to generalize, when one generalizes, one has the opportunity to share more openly. Then it is not left to interpretation because of one word or phrase.
We know the Bible was written in several languages. The languages are not the same, especially English. They do not mean the same. Being American, and being honest and blunt, the Bible has been often times been taken out of context and interpreted incorrectly.
In far too many instances it was not interpreted properly into the English language. Some of the things, words, and phrases are not the same as in the Hebrew language, etc. I talk about the Bible in generalizations rather than through the citation of specific scriptures in order to engage individuals in a discussion rather than to attempt to show some misinformed expertise of God’s word.
For example, I took French in high school, the mere structure of the language is drastically different from the English language, thus causing confusion and the mis pronunciation of words, phrases and sentence structure. I took Spanish in high school as well and it presented the same frustrations and complications, I cannot speak it well at all. When you look at it, linguistically, it is different.
Many things are misinterpreted. I took the position of sharing the generalized thoughts. You have the Bible scholars who shape it. They make the Bible say what they want the Bible to say to the congregation. This does not permit people the opportunity to think, nor to interpret it.
Instead, people will say, “You have to have faith. You have to believe.” I think that in and of itself is open to question simply because there is no defining, causation of complete understanding relative to; “faith and “belief.”
Jacobsen: With respect to the outcomes of the common interpretations of the Bible in North America, there are outcomes. Men take on a stoic persona. They deny feelings. Because they think the denial of their feelings makes them a better, stronger man.
When, in fact, they are probably harming their psychological and emotional lives. Because they are denying basic emotions and creating an internal conflict by implication.
Lars: Absolutely, my angle on this, Scott. I love the question. Although, you fashioned the question in the form of a statement.
When you see men with these stoic attitude, and this pretentious since of being disconnected emotionally, I love to ask them a few simple questions; “If you feel that in order to display your prowess as a man, and that you should be stoic, and not show emotions; Why do you have that beer? Why do you have that whiskey? Why do you smoke the cigar? Why do you use tobacco?”
All of the aforementioned are ways of self-medicating. Evidently, I am speaking to the men who think that those actions personifies them as a being real man. Evidently, you do not believe it. Otherwise, you would not need the whiskey.
You would not need the bourbon. You would not need the beer. You would not need the tobacco. Because, all of these foreign substances are used to replace something that is obviously missing in their lives. In essence, they are showing emotion. Even though, it may not show on the physical face, but inside, the emotions are racing out of control.
There is a false persona. A false persona of not showing emotions, where the face appears emotionless — as if able to handle any difficulty.
Jacobsen: How does this impact boys and adolescent men watching adult men with this false persona?
Lars: It damages them greatly. It damages the young men and young boys more than the old men. The old men do not want to admit it. Any of us who are honest with ourselves understand that the loss of a loved one, the disappointment on the job or a sought after career, even a young lady who we have interest in and who does not have interest in us can be devastating.
As an example, if one is preparing for an exam, he spends three weeks burning the midnight oil studying for it. Then he barely has successful outcome if the outcome was successful.
All those emotions come spilling out. When you are a young man or a boy being told by older guys, “You should not show emotions, suck it up and come back next time.” That may sound good in theory, however; What do you do until “next time”?
Jacobsen: [Laughing].
Lars: [Laughing] Many times, you put your best foot forward. You go back and redo what you have already done. Many times, there is no one to say, “Okay, let’s try it this way and do this to enhance what you did last time.”
Many times, you are left with a statement, “Go back and do it again, or you didn’t put in enough time.” However, all these things are theoretical. Being a young man and being a young boy, you want to be the person your “father is proud of” or the male next door.
It causes inner destruction, which is unnecessary. Men should be honest and say, “I am with you. I support you. I understand that you did what you thought was correct. Let me see if I can share something with you that may improve the process next time.”
Jacobsen: What if we make this more concrete? I mean this across all groups. You see in these trends in popular culture, e.g. media, music, and so on. Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, the shoot ’em up gruesome images. These hyper-masculine Marvel comic movies. The guys who want to be the tough Western cowboy or the Hip-Hop and Rap thug.
Of course, the women are subordinate. They are the fainting couch woman or nothing but a booty — a “badonkadonk.” These popular representations or outcomes the young men take from listening to or watching older men. They create the false persona own culture from the examples around them — Asian, Black, Native American, and White men with false personas and so unhealthy role modelling.
How do we work to open the conversation to alleviate some of the unhealthier aspects of it? Because some great art comes out of it. At the same time, some unhealthy aspects come out of it.
Lars: Excellent question! It is a bunch of pseudo-crap.
Jacobsen: [Laughing].
Lars: [Laughing] Why is it a bunch of pseudo-crap? Because, if have your tough cowboys, and/or the tough thugs, what do they do? They use a foreign substance to gain ‘strength.’ I.e., alcohol, whiskey, cocaine, marijuana, etc. As much as I loved the Black Panther, he had to take a substance to materialize into this character.
The cowboys, you have to be this tough guy. You have to ask, “Barkeep, give me a whiskey” [Laughing]. You got to have courage from the alcohol. Sylvester Stallone, you are eating raw eggs, which are supposed to enhance your strength and stamina.
Jacobsen: [Laughing].
Lars: [Laughing] It is all a bunch of pseudo-crap, Scott. Unfortunately, human beings, especially the male human being, are not confident in ourselves. Because you know your flaws and vulnerabilities. Whereby now, you have to put on this façade of perfection.
Someone who has no weaknesses rather than: “I am learning, I’m still learning, and I have made some mistakes. I made some decision that were not the best.” At the end of the day, we must remain careful about making people think that everything is about dominating somebody else.
Jacobsen: Thank you for the opportunity and your time, Lars.
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